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Dr. Blogstein — Fri, 07 May 2010 21:28:45 +0000

Open in your default player

UPDATE: United States of Television

Dr. Blogstein — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 14:32:00 +0000

Just THREE states to go!

Delaware

Idaho

North Dakota

Mile High Fraud

Dr. Blogstein — Sun, 29 Oct 2006 00:36:00 +0000

I do not believe anyone who has ever claimed to have had sex on a commercial airline flight. No way.

As I was flying this week for undisclosed reasons I got to thinking about joining what is known as “The Mile High Club.” No, its not as if I had the opportunity, I simply began thinking about sex, as I’m prone to do, and I happened to have been on an airplane at the time.

I began wondering how, if presented with the chance, would I go about having sex on an airplane. I determined that its not possible.

Sure, technically it is physically possible–you could do it in the aisle or in your seat (no, I mean in your airplane seat!)–but I was thinking practically, as if I really were to sneak off with someone to do it. And I just don’t see how it could be done.

There is no way that two people could sneak into one of the bathrooms without being detected. There are flight attendants all over the place and seemingly always someone waiting for the bathroom. If they’re not waiting when you get there, someone would be waiting to catch you when you exit the bathroom. If by some chance you do sneak in and sneak out (of the bathroom, sicko!), I can’t imagine you could be quiet enough not to be heard from outside.

I think anyone who claims to have given new meaning to “cockpit” is lying. There is no feasible way to have undetected sex on an airplane. Anyone out there wishing to prove me wrong, I’ll meet you at the airport.

Make Love, Not Jihad

Dr. Blogstein — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 23:21:00 +0000

I know it’s been joked about before, but its time to take it seriously. Al Qaeda needs to get laid.

Islamic Fundamentalists have deprived themselves from vices for way too long. Do you think they’d be this angry if they were allowed to indulge in sex, drugs and alcohol? Of course not. Would they be plotting to destroy the western world if their women weren’t covered up from head to toe? No.

They’re your fat friend who is so nasty and cranky all the time because they’re not getting any. Al Qaeda wants to destroy us because they’re so damn jealous. In the Muslim world, you need to blow yourself up in the name of Allah to get your shot at 72 virgins. Here in America, all you need are SAT scores high enough to get you into college.

We’re fighting this war all wrong. We need to bring vice to the dessert. We need to give new meaning to “The Gaza Strip.” We need to loosen up these wackos and show them how to enjoy life.

I mean, look at Jenna Jameson, who is probably the cover girl for Infidel Magazine. Just look at her.

Wow.

I’ve lost my point.

Oh, yes, look at Jenna. If Bin Laden saw that this existed, don’t you think he’d think twice about what kind of life he was fighting for?

Aaaaay!

Dr. Blogstein — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 15:59:00 +0000

I originally brought this up back when only me and my mom read Dr. Blogstein. Now that the world has discovered my brilliant words, I can actually test this theory that I have:

I’m convinced that everyone in the USA has or knows someone who has met or seen Henry Winkler. Ask around.

LET’S GO METS!

Dr. Blogstein — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 15:43:00 +0000

I know its Game 7 tonight and I’m risking bad karma with this post, but I can’t resist a good Yankees joke…

This, courtesy of perhaps the best sports blog on the web, Uni Watch:

Eric Glickman has noticed that the logos of the last six teams to defeat the Yankees in the postseason spell out how the Bombers have fared in October since winning it all in 2000:

RUN DMZ

Dr. Blogstein — Sun, 15 Oct 2006 15:25:00 +0000

(One) day when I was chillin’ in Pyongyang City

Just mindin’ my business, seein’ if Korean chicks are pretty
This dude walked by lookin’ weird and kind of crazy
I’d ask him what he wants if I wasn’t so damn lazy
He wore funny glasses, and his hair was all effed up
Well, now I had to know, “Yo, yo, buddy what is up?“
The man said “Yeah“, then he answered kind of calm
He said, “I’m nutty, not your buddy and got an A-Bomb!“
Kim Jong Illin’

Girls are Evil?

Dr. Blogstein — Sun, 15 Oct 2006 15:10:00 +0000

The famous Scottage provides mathematical proof that Girls=Evil. You be the judge:
I still prefer this mathematical equation:

Direct your hate mail here…

kedpu: Fun with Word Verification

Dr. Blogstein — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 23:14:00 +0000

Call me crazy, but I think the fact that it protects against SPAM comments is the SECOND best thing about Blogger Word Verification. I just really love some of the crazy letter combinations they come up with.

I’m hoping one day I get a grouping of letters that spells something out–hopefully something vulgar. Its probably a very rare occurrence. I mean I’ve probably seen thousands of Word Verifications in the past year and the closest I’ve come to a real word was:And that’s only because it make me think it said “Lexus”

But some of these Word Verifications don’t need to be actual words to sound funny when read.

Like this: I’m not sure why, but “Y-UW-PURY” sounds like something a Chinese man would ask a cat.

And doesn’t this: sound like a French delicacy?

So the next time you leave a comment here on Dr. Blogstein, take a moment and read your Word Verification. It just may entertain you (or me.)

blogs, Blog, Comments, Interactive, word verification, blogger, CAPTCHA

Shooting Up Your School

Dr. Blogstein — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 23:32:00 +0000

Kids, before you decide to bring a gun to homeroom and shoot up your high school please read this post. And don’t worry, I wont be telling you not to do it (though for the record, I’d prefer that you didn’t.)

Now that school shootings seem to be back in style and in the newspaper every morning, I felt it was time to talk to all the youngsters out there. So, listen up children…

I know high school is hard and kids can be real cruel, but mass murder is not the best way to prove to your classmates that you’re not a freak. In fact, you may just be proving them right.

Trust me, high school ends. You will get out. I can understand how, when you’re a 15-year-old freshman, four whole years can seem like a long time. You know why? Because when you’re 15, four years is over a quarter of your life. I assure you though, it will end. Just wait it out.

And while you’re waiting, don’t shoot your classmates. If you’re being picked on and feel the need to retaliate, be creative. Pay a local thug to beat the bully up. Try to spread a rumor that your bully has Syphilis. Or use photoshop to show your bully in a compromising position with Mr. Reynolds the gym teacher.

Another reason not to murder your bully is because these things usually end up as a murder/suicide. This means, that you’ll more than likely have to kill yourself after shooting up your high school.

Being dead is not going to improve your self esteem. In fact, I can guarantee that you’ll be real bummed out when the popular kid that you killed has many more people at his funereal than you do. Why put yourself in such an embarrassing situation?

Please, young and troubled web surfers, listen to me. Shooting up your school is a bad idea. There is a future for losers and dorks in this world. You can grow up to be rich and successful with a really hot girlfriend. If you kill, you’ll either end up dead or in jail, where you’ll be someone’s really hot girlfriend.

Trust me, I’m a doctor.

school shooting, murder, News, High School, suicide, teen

UPDATE 10-5-06: THIS STORY HITS CLOSE TO HOME A big thank you to Friend of Blogstein, “Ra Ra Ra,” for sharing this emotional post with us.