sports — Dr. Blogstein

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Radio Happy Hour

Monday, February 18th, 2008

Evander Holyfield will now be on NEXT WEEK’s SHOW!!!

Coming up this week on DR. BLOGSTEIN’S RADIO HAPPY HOUR: (Live on Tuesday February 19th at 9PM ET and forever archived at BlogTalkRadio.)

Dr. B and Dangerous Lee welcome “The Real Deal” into the Radio Happy Hour.

Cruiserweight and heavyweight champion, Olympic medalist, and the only boxer ever to become world heavyweight champion four times, Evander Holyfield joins the Blogstein show for a live interview on the day his new book, Becoming Holyfield, hits the stores.

What made him who he is? Is he retired or will he fight again? Does the world really need another grill designed by a boxer? Will asking that question leave Blogstein with a black eye?

Also, contemporary Christian singer Bryan Duncan returns to the show. He may be saved, but it doesn’t mean he’ll be safe when he steps back into the Radio Happy Hour!

All that, plus, Supreme Commander of the Cyberwaves Vinny Bond drags his Big Leather Couch into the Radio Happy Hour Lounge to chat live with the listeners and Justin the Weatherman stops in with a forecast and we’ll take your calls at 646-652-4804

Join us live every Tuesday night at 9PM ET. The Radio Happy Hour Lounge-a live chat room during show time-is a whole new reason to make sure you listen live! It’s the show within the show!

But if you can’t and miss us live, we’re ALWAYS ON at www.DrBlogstein.com

Posted in Blog Talk Radio, Bryan Duncan, Christians, Dr. Blogstein's Radio Happy Hour, Evander Holyfield, books, boxing, music, sports | 1 Comment »

Belichick vs. Boobies

Monday, February 4th, 2008

With just 1 second remaining in last night’s New York Giant upset over the previously unbeaten Patriots, New England coach Bill Belichick had seen enough. He couldn’t bare watching the final snap of the game that prevented him from making NFL history so he, and his various stadium security officials, walked off the field and into the locker room.

I found his disgraceful, disrespectful and sore loser-ish behavior far more offensive than any Janet Jackson breast could ever be. So let’s levy the fines on ol’ Beli-cheat.

Seriously, all the hoopla over the one second shot of Janet Jackson’s bare boobie during halftime of the 2004 Super Bowl was because of the overly sensitive, misguided theory that seeing that would be hazardous and somehow damaging to children.

I say, watching a grown man behaving like a spoiled sport and displaying the worst unsportsmanlike antics since Phillip Wellman is a far more dangerous thing to be seen by impressionable children.

If its really the kids we’re worried about, we better hear just as much, if not more, about Belichick leaving the field early as we did about Janet’s bare melon.

It certainly begs the question: Which one is the real boob?

Posted in Bill Belichick, Janet Jackson, NFL, New England Patriots, New York Giants, Super Bowl, breasts, football, sports | 1 Comment »

DATRES AT THE DESK: Super Bowl RANT

Thursday, January 31st, 2008

DATRES AT THE DESK:
The Rants

By Chris Datres, special contributer to Radio Happy Hour
Email Chris Datres

Giants vs. Patriots (-12) at Glendale, AZ

So it’s come to this — a rematch of an electric week 17 battle where neither team had anything to play for as far as the playoffs were concerned yet both teams played like it was Super Bowl XLII. Turns out that was just a dress rehearsal. It was a game that I watched all of about 2 minutes of because Penn State was playing aTm in the Alamo Bowl that night and to me, that was more important. Sports Illustrated hasn’t made picking this game any easier since they decided to put Strahan AND some guy named Brady on the cover this week.

Speaking of Brady, can we find out what he ate for dinner tonight? I mean, can we please STOP with this 24/7 garbage about him bringing flowers to Giselle and the walking boot and does he have a limp? If I had been Brady, I’d have worn a boot on the OTHER foot the next day to mess with the media. Then I’d have shown up at practice and made sure the cameras caught me with my arm in a sling. I’d even add an eyepatch for good measure. And yet his name isn’t on the injury report this week. So with that being said, can we please end this mess?

Before I get to the pick, I’d like to hand out some awards from the college bowl season and the first 3 weekends of NFL playoffs.

Take 2 Weeks Off and Quit Award: This is in honor of one of our cameramen, John Feyko, who has busted this quote out on me a couple of times when he’s had to deal with me on shoots. This award goes to the Tampa Bay Bucs who had locked up their playoff spot and didn’t care about going for the 3 seed the last two weeks of the year. They blew a lead to the lowly 49ers in Week 16 and then yawned their way through a loss to the Panthers. They got a home game against the Giants and got rolled, even after scoring first. I’m glad I made money on this one.

Swinging Gate Award: Step on up you Hawaii offensive linemen. Colt Brennan spent most of the Sugar Bowl looking up at the Superdome roof and running for his life in their thrashing by the Dawgs.

The F-U Award: After snake-oil salesman Rich Rodriguez left West Virginia high and dry for their Fiesta Bowl game against Oklahoma, the Mountaineers came out and blitzed the Sooners for nearly 400 yards rushing. That would have been a good pick on the money line for the underdogs there. Meanwhile, Dick-Rod, as he’s being called in Moonshineland, is haggling with WVU administration over his buyout. If it gets too heated, they might just send the mascot with the musket to Ann Arbor to kick some tail.

The Nelly Award: This goes to those three bikini-clad ladies who bared themselves during the 3rd quarter of the Giants-Packers NFC Championship game. Apparently, they figured a -20 wind chill meant it was getting hot in here so they felt like it was time to take off all their clothes. And in a stunning upset, they were actually cute! They must have been bused in from Michigan or Illinois, if you catch my drift.

Pomp and Circumstance Award: The trophy goes to Penn State QB Anthony Morelli. I’ve never been more happy about a Penn State player graduating in my entire life.

And finally, I bring you the All-Fraud Team. The 5 teams who held so much promise but ended up costing me money. And that’s one thing you NEVER want to do.

1. Indianapolis Colts — a home game with all your weapons and you lose to the Chargers? Yeah, thanks a lot, Peyton. Hope you keep giving great pep talks.

2. Dallas Cowboys — specifically, Tony Romo. I said a number of RANTS back that I think he’s a good quarterback but he shouldn’t be drooled about until he actually does something in clutch or playoff situations. Well, they lost a number of games in December and then flamed out in the playoffs. But at least he’s got Jessica Simpson, so at least he’s got that going for him, which is good.

3. Arizona State — at some point I will learn that you don’t bet against the Texas Wronghorns in a bowl game.

4. South Florida — pat them on the head, give them a piece of candy, and send them on their way. For a team that had a really good defense, they sure let the Ducks (without Dennis Dixon, mind you) waddle roughshod all over them.

5. Ohio State — no bowl season is safe without ripping on the Suckeyes, especially after they dipped to 0-9 vs. the SEC in bowl games and lost their 2nd consecutive BCS Championship game. The parallels to last year’s loss to Florida were eerie — OSU scored 4 plays into the game, versus the opening kickoff last year. They went up 10-0 real quick and I was about to sign LSU’s participation award. But then, like all good Suckeye teams of the past, they wilted. But don’t worry, OSU fans — next year, you can come to Miami and lose the BCS to maybe Georgia.

Don’t worry, the pick is coming. But the glory of Super Bowl betting isn’t the spreads or the over/unders. It’s the prop bets!! I always bet heads, and that’s gone like 1 for the last 5 — money well spent, I tell ya. There’s also another one that I like which is the 9-1 odds that a kick will hit a goalpost or crossbar and be unsuccessful. It’s fun to root against that ball as it heads for the posts. But here are some props that I’d really like to see:

–Which will happen more — Eli Manning completions or Peyton Manning commercial spots (ugh)

–How many game minutes until the name ‘Tony Romo’ or ‘Jessica Simpson’ will be uttered

–Over/Under number of minutes between final putt dropping at FBR Open and Super Bowl kickoff. Vegas needs to get on that one because FBR is notorious for close finishes

–Will Tom Petty “roll another joint” during the halftime performance?

OK, enough of the buildup. I’d do a little bit more but then I’d be rivaling the endless 2 weeks of drivel that we’re subjected to on the ‘family of networks’. I was a little surprised when Vegas gave birth to that number following the championship games. I definitely think that the over of 53 will cover. And I certainly think that the Giants will cover the spread. In fact, I’m leaning toward putting a couple of bucks on them to win outright. The franchise was in this situation before when they shut down the high-octane Buffalo Buckeyes, er, Bills in Super Bowl XXV. However, the Pats know that situation too as they were big dogs to the Rams in Super Bowl XXXV and came out on top. When the chips have been down all season in the tough spots, the Pats have come through — the home game to the Eagles, the MNF game at Baltimore, and especially in the AFC title game against the Bolts when Brady just didn’t have it. I can’t see them folding in this game and it’ll take the Giants scoring on just about every drive for an upset to truly happen.

PICK — PATRIOTS

Posted in Datres at the Desk, Eli Manning, Jessica Simpson, NFL, New England Patriots, New York Giants, Super Bowl, Tom Brady, Tony Romo, football, sports | 3 Comments »

On the next Blogstein

Monday, January 14th, 2008

Coming up this week on DR. BLOGSTEIN’S RADIO HAPPY HOUR: the #1 most listened to comedy show on BlogTalkRadio (Live on Tuesday January 15th at 9PM ET and forever archived at BlogTalkRadio.)

ESPN football analyst and former NFL All-Pro Defensive End Marcellus Wiley will join Dr. B and Dangerous Lee to break down the remaining match-ups in the run up to Super Bowl XLII.

Wiley, a Columbia University grad, played for the Buffalo Bills, San Diego Chargers, Dallas Cowboys and Jacksonville Jaguars in his 10-year career.

Then, its the return of the Hot Chicks!

Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent, co-authors of “How To Eat Like a Hot Chick“, will stop by the Radio Happy Hour to discuss Dr. B’s two favorite subjects: food and hot chicks.

All that, plus, Supreme Commander of the Cyberwaves Vinny Bond drags his Big Leather Couch into the Radio Happy Hour Lounge and chats live with the listeners, J-Lo, the former weatherman and current dance instructor, will be doing something and your calls at 646-652-4804

But if you can’t and miss us live, we’re ALWAYS ON at www.DrBlogstein.com

Posted in Blog Talk Radio, Cerina Vincent, Dr. Blogstein's Radio Happy Hour, How to Eat Like a Hot Chick, Jodi Lipper, NFL, authors, books, football, interview, sports | 1 Comment »

DATRES AT THE DESK: The Rants

Tuesday, December 25th, 2007

DATRES AT THE DESK:
The Rants

By Chris Datres, special contributer to Radio Happy Hour
Email Chris Datres

LAST WEEK — 14-8 (4-2 college, 10-6 pro)

SEASON — 249-137 (126-60 college, 123-77 pro)

First off, Merry Xmas to everyone out there. And if you don’t celebrate Xmas, then happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, or whatever holiday you celebrate.

It was a very merry Xmas for yours truly as not only did the Bears tack my rant to their bulletin board and thrash the FudgePackers in the wind and snow of Soldier Field on Sunday but the Rakefighters squeaked out a 104-103 victory in the VBFL Championship. I said how I would have felt safe with a 60-point lead going into Monday night with my opponent having three players. Well, I had a 52-point lead and needed all of it. So for the first time in the 7 years I’ve been in that league, I walk away with the big prize and a nice little bit of spending money. As for the Bears, it’s about damn time they decide to play an all-around great game. Yes, the conditions weren’t exactly offense-friendly but the biggest complaints that I saved for the offensive line will become plaudits and bouquets this week as they opened up holes for Adrian Peterson and Garrett Wolfe and allowed Kyle Orton time to throw when he needed to. We may not make the playoffs this year but at least we swept the FudgePackers.

It’s a packed week with all the rest of the bowl games on the schedule, not to mention the entire Week 17 NFL schedule. So once again, brevity will be the rule rather than the exception. This week may conclude the regular season but I made the playoffs so there will still be RANTS into 2008.

NCAA

MOTOR CITY BOWL

Purdue (7-5) vs. Central Michigan (8-5)

Here’s another rematch of a regular season game, one in which Purdue blasted the Chips. Well, that was in September and since then CMU quarterback Dan LeFevour has been doing his best Tim Tebow impersonation. The game’s in Detroit and it’s a bit of a disappointment for the Boilers to be there so let’s pick the upset.

PICK — CENTRAL MICHIGAN

HOLIDAY BOWL

Texas (9-3) vs. Arizona State (10-2)

This game traditionally has more scoring than a college frat party the weekend before finals. So if you think you’re going to bed by 12:30 AM (all times Eastern) with this game on, think again.

PICK — ARIZONA STATE

CHUMPS SPORTS BOWL

Boston College (10-3) vs. Michigan State (7-5)

It’s great that these two teams escape the snow to come to Orlando for a week. But two of MSU’s best defenders couldn’t spell so they had to stay home and that significantly hamstrings a Spartan team that was a bit overmatched to begin with.

PICK — BOSTON COLLEGE

TEXAS BOWL

TCU (7-5) at Houston (8-4)

There would have been a war the area hadn’t seen since the Mexicans tried to take over in the 1830’s if two Texas teams weren’t invited to the state’s bowl. Fans there would have settled for the Dillon Panthers if that’s what it took to get a Texas team there.

PICK — HOUSTON

EMERALD BOWL

Maryland (6-6) vs. Oregon State (8-4)

This game is played in San Francisco and while you’ll find a lot of nuts there, you won’t find too many men siding with Beavers…ya know, because many of the men in San Fran are well, special. LOCK of the bowl season right here.

PICK — OREGON STATE

MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL

Wake Forest (8-4) vs. UCONN (9-3)

Every 3,000 miles, make sure you get your oil changed, your tires rotated, and your belts checked. Also, make sure you tip your mechanic, who likely graduated from UCONN.

PICK — UCONN

LIBERTY BOWL

UCF (10-3) vs. Mississippi State (7-5)

The pundits say that if UCF’s Kevin Smith runs for 181 yards, he’ll break the record most thought untouchable — the single-season rushing record held by Barry Sanders. But see, in Barry’s day, they didn’t count bowl games so since he had 222 yards in a thrashing of Wyoming in the 1988 Holiday Bowl, my calculations say that Mr. Smith needs to break LT’s record for yards in a game before he goes and breaks Mr. Sanders’s season record.

PICK — UCF

ALAMO BOWL

Penn State (8-4) vs. Texas A&M (7-5)

There will be much rejoicing from Nittany Lions fans following this game. It’s not because PSU will take down the Aggies but because it’s QB Anthony Morelli’s last game and we can’t WAIT for him to graduate.

PICK — PENN STATE

INDEPENDENCE BOWL

Alabama (6-6) at Colorado (6-6)

If you get caught watching this game, you’d better have a REAL good excuse. And if you do watch this game, please tell me what that excuse is.

PICK — ALABAMA

ARMED FORCES BOWL

Cal (6-6) vs. Air Force (9-3)

Hey, didn’t you used to be the same Cal team who was a quarter away from being the # 1 team in the country? And now you’re stuck in Fort Worth playing an Armed Force in the Armed Forces Bowl. Wow, those tree people really got to you, huh?

PICK — AIR FORCE

SUN BOWL

South Florida (9-3) vs. Oregon (8-4)

And didn’t you two teams used to be # 2 in the country at different times as well? Wow, how the mighty fell in 2007. Viewers note — if you don’t like the colors green and gold together on a uniform, don’t watch this game.

PICK — SOUTH FLORIDA

HUMANITARIAN BOWL

Georgia Tech (7-5) vs. Fresno State (8-4)

They really need to change the name of this game because there is nothing humanitarian about sending two teams to a bowl game in Boise, Idaho on New Year’s Day.

PICK — FRESNO

MUSIC CITY BOWL

Kentucky (7-5) vs. Florida State (7-5)

I never knew that a future clown, ringmaster, or trapeze artist would need the answers to their circus test. But apparently, that’s what happened in Tallahassee has FSU will have 25 players missing for fraudulent test taking and another 10 out for “injury or other violation”. At least the Criminoles will get an A for effort in this game…unless they’re given the answers for that beforehand too.

PICK — KENTUCKY

INSIGHT BOWL

Oklahoma State (6-6) vs. Indiana (7-5)

The great thing about all of these end-of-the-year compilation shows is that they rehash the quotes of the year and Oak State coach Mike Gundy’s rant will always be on there. That said, it wasn’t even the best quote by a coach this year. That belonged to the late Terry Hoeppner of Indiana who made it his team’s goal to play 13 games this year before he passed away. Well, Indiana’s there and they’re going to fulfill the coach’s dream.

PICK — INDIANA

PEACH BOWL

Clemson (9-3) vs. Auburn (8-4)

This is one guarantee that I can make on these picks — the Tigers will win this game.

PICK — AUBURN

OUTBACK BOWL

Tennessee (9-4) vs. Wisconsin (9-3)

Steve Spurrier used to say that the Citrus Bowl was Tennesee’s winter home because you couldn’t spell it without ‘UT’. Well, this is the Vols’ second straight trip to Tampa and if you look at the spelling of the bowl’s name, I think the Big Orange may have found a new home.

PICK — TENNESSEE

COTTON BOWL

Missouri (11-2) vs. Arkansas (8-4)

Cotton — what my mouth will taste like after a night of heavy New Year’s Eve drinking (or other exercises involving my mouth, we’ll see). Also, this is a 10 AM local start time. That can’t be good for the tailgating business.

PICK — MISSOURI

GATOR BOWL

Texas Tech (8-4) vs. Virginia (9-3)

If this is Jacksonville’s last football game for the season, it’ll go out with some serious offensive bang…and that’s not just the odorous smell coming from the Maxwell House factory down the street.

PICK — TEXAS TECH

CAPITAL ONE BOWL

Michigan (8-4) vs. Florida (9-3)

The drama here isn’t going to be whether a team that couldn’t stop the spread in getting stomped by Appy State and Oregon can slow down the Heisman Trophy winner. No, it’s going to be who wins the Capital One Mascot Open. My pick is the Roo of Akron because he can get a little extra distance with those springy legs. And for those of you who have seen the commercials, I’m sorry to say that is not me dressed in the Western Kentucky Big Red outfit. I’ve never thrown a club on the golf course…quite like Big Red did.

PICK — FLORIDA

ROSE BOWL

USC (10-2) vs. Illinois (9-3)

It’s the tourist vs. the businessman in this game. Illinois will be snapping pictures and pointing out all the LA landmarks. USC knows the town and it doesn’t impress them. This is lock # 2 of the bowl season.

PICK — USC

SUGAR BOWL

Hawaii (12-0) vs. Georgia (10-2)

The prospect of having Georgia girls and Hawaii girls flashing on Bourbon Street on New Year’s weekend makes me want to book a plane ticket to New Orleans. However, as I’ve learned from going to many Florida-Georgia games, the UGA girls may be cute but if they start barking, it’s an instant turn-off.

PICK — GEORGIA

FIESTA BOWL

Oklahoma (11-2) vs. West Virginia (10-2)

I’m willing to bet that this time, OU won’t be fooled by that tricky hook-and-ladder play on 4th and 18 in the waning seconds. I wonder if the WVU folks will send Rich Rodriguez postcards saying ‘wish you were here’.

PICK — OKLAHOMA

ORANGE BOWL

Virginia Tech (11-2) vs. Kansas (11-1)

If KU coach Mark Mangino goes topless on a Miami beach this week, so help me…

PICK — VIRGINIA TECH

INTERNATIONAL BOWL

Rutgers (7-5) vs. Ball State (7-5)

In honor of this game being played in Toronto, the field will be 150 yards long, each team will get three downs, and a touchback will be worth one point. Otherwise, there’d really be no reason to watch this mess.

PICK — RUTGERS

GMAC BOWL

Bowling Green (8-4) vs. Tulsa (9-4)

This one might be worth taking a look at only because both teams may outscore the worst NBA game of the night. By all means, take the over in this game, even if it’s 100.

PICK — TULSA

BS CHAMPIONSHIP GAME (’C’ intentionally omitted)

LSU (11-2) vs. Ohio State (11-1)

Let’s run down the number of national championship games that the Suckeyes have lost in the last 12 months — football to Florida, basketball to Florida, men’s soccer to Wake Forest, worst fans to Michigan. I really hope I can add another football loss to that ledger.

PICK — LSU

NFL (finally)

Pats (15-0) at Giants (10-5)

1972 Dolphins fans are a little disappointed that the Bills laid an egg in the final 3 quarters against the Giants last week. Now the G-men have nothing to play for and that probably means the Pats will pull off the perfect season. And that’ll make the sour look on Belichick’s face even sweeter when that first loss comes in the playoffs.

PICK — PATS

Titans (9-6) at Colts (13-2)

Colts have nothing to play for here and will likely sit Manning after the first series. The Titans need to win to get into the playoffs and somehow are 6 1/2-point favorites on the road. I’d be leery of the point spread as well as the straight-up. I know it’s roll-over time for the Ponies but I’m not sure the Titans best effort could beat their second string.

PICK — COLTS

Cowgirls (13-2) at Skins (8-7)

If the Skins win, they get to the playoffs. And they’d like nothing more than to get there thanks to beating on their hated rival. I wonder if Jessica Simpson will use the FBI to make sure no cameras spot her in the stands this week.

PICK — SKINS

Seahawks (10-5) at Falcons (3-12)

Thankfully for the Falcons, it doesn’t snow in Atlanta because the rescue squads would have called back the St. Bernards a long time ago.

PICK — SEAHAWKS

Bungles (6-9) at Fish (1-14)

Because the schedule makers say that you have to play the game.

PICK — FISH

Saints (7-9) at Bears (6-8)

We broke their hearts last year in the NFC title game and since they didn’t learn from that, we’ll have to break the Saints’ hearts again in this, their last gasp at a playoff berth.

PICK — BEARS

Bills (7-8) at Eagles (7-8)

Over/Under on number of signs spotted in the stands asking Donovan McNabb to stay — 6 1/2. It’ll be interesting to hear the fan reaction to # 5 throughout this game.

PICK — EAGLES

Panthers (6-9) at Bucs (9-6)

I think it’s only appropriate that the Panthers have the record that they do and that they’re headed to Tampa with that record in tow. Now, if they bring their cheerleaders along with them, it would only make the story come full circle. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, please feel free to ask me. You’ll be able to find me in stall # 2 videotaping the action.

PICK — BUCS

Jags (11-4) at Texans (7-8)

Another game that means nothing to the supposed favorite in this game. Warning for 2008 — if the Texans can add one more offensive weapon, they are going to be a playoff team next year.

PICK — TEXANS

49ers (5-10) at Brownies (9-6)

For the Brownies, it’s win and hope for a Titans loss. Mr. Mouth, aka Kellen Winslow, Jr., stated on Monday that his team is the better team and that they want it more. Well, clown, if that’s the case then tell your quarterback not to throw so many damn picks in the red zone.

PICK — BROWNIES

Steelers (10-5) at Crows (4-11)

So riddle me this — how is it that a good guy like Willie Parker gets twisted up on a tackle and he breaks his leg while a piece of trash like Terrell Owens gets twisted much the same way in a tackle and all he gets is a sprain? It’s just not fair sometimes.

PICK — STEELERS

God’s Squad (7-8) at Packers (12-3)

I’ll bet Jon Kitna circled this game on his calendar in August when he made his 10-win guarantee and thought it would be for a playoff seed. I hope he at least circled it with a note that says, ‘wear something warm’.

PICK — PACKERS

Chargers (10-5) at Raiders (4-11)

Warren Sapp reached a new low on Sunday when he received 3 straight unsportsmanlike conduct penalties and was tossed from the game. But now he’s forged his Raiders legacy along such mad men as John Matuszak and Lyle Alzado. I just hope Sapp isn’t like those two guys in other ways.

PICK — CHARGERS

Vikings (8-7) at Mules (6-9)

Who’d have thought that Denver would be site of a playoff berth’s death two years in a row? Last year it was the Mules who choked away a game against the pitiful 49ers to give away a playoff berth. This year, the Vikings have slim playoff hopes and must win and get a Skins loss to get in. By the time the game kicks off, they will know their fate — hopeless.

PICK — MULES

Same Old SORRY ASS Rams (3-12) at Cards (7-8)

Everywhere, St. Louis fans are rejoicing that the season is over and now they can look forward to Paul Kariya leading the Blues to the Stanley Cup playoffs. Yes, they do have hockey in St. Louis. It’s called ‘the gap between football and baseball seasons’.

PICK — CARDS

Chiefs (4-11) at Jets (3-12)

Good move by NBC moving this game out of the 8:15 time slot. Otherwise, this would reside right next to the Alabama-Colorado game on the list of ‘things I’d watch to prove I’m a demented fool’.

PICK — JETS

Posted in College Football, Datres at the Desk, NFL, betting, football, gambling, sports | 2 Comments »

DATRES AT THE DESK: The Rants

Thursday, December 13th, 2007

DATRES AT THE DESK:
The Rants

By Chris Datres, special contributer to Radio Happy Hour

Email Chris Datres

LAST WEEK – 12-6 (3-3 college, 9-3 pro )

SEASON — 223-120 (119-56 college, 104-64 pro)

For what it’s worth, I’m now 14 games out of the lead in the pool that these picks are involved in – at this point, it’s pretty worthless. But you could be the person who allegedly takes my advice on these picks. She’s 16 games BEHIND me at this point. So for the last three weeks of the season, we’re playing for pride and irreverence…not necessarily in that order.

This week’s topic will be fantasy, something I know a little about, considering that I have a stake in five different fantasy leagues. Trust me, it’s way too much but I’ve been doing some of these leagues for as many as 11 years so I can’t just walk away from it. As a result, it often takes me at least 6 weeks to figure out who is on which team. And don’t even ask me who I’m playing against. Well, all that changes this week as my Amish Rakefighters in the Vegas Baby Football League go for a championship berth this week, which would mean a nice little payoff regardless of next week’s championship game result. So in honor of that and the fact that apparently, any idiot can be a ‘fantasy expert’ and get PAID for it, I bring you Week 16. Don’t even get me started about Matthew Berry. Oh wait…stand by, I’ll get to him shortly.

NCAA

1-AA CHAMPIONSHIP

Delaware (11-3) vs. Appalachian State (12-2)

Every year, I dream that my Towson Tigers can somehow pull off the impossible dream and win a 1-AA national title. At this point, I’d just take a playoff berth. Well, there’s often a saying at Towson that our two favorite teams are the Tigers and whoever is playing the Chickens. So there’s no secret who gets the nod here. And how about this little nugget – Appy State began the year with the win over Michigan in the Big OutHouse. Michigan wears those stupid-looking wing-T helmets. Copycat Delaware also wears those dopey-designed helmets but the shade of blue is just a bit brighter (rumor has it the students aren’t). So Appy State has a chance to bookend their season with wins over those ugly helmets.

PICK – APPY STATE

D2 CHAMPIONSHIP

Valdosta State (12-1) vs. NW Missouri State (12-1)

After ‘supposedly’ shortchanging a certain Bearcat alum, I guess I have to go over the top with my praise. See, there’s only a couple people in the know with this little fantasy but when you’ve never actually met the girl, there isn’t much you can do about it except be charming through words and phrases. But let’s put it this way – the viewers in the Springfield, Missouri area are very lucky that they get to look at this girl 5 nights a week. Oh, you want to know about this game? Is that why we’re here? Two things I can tell ya – NW Mo’s running back is a freakin beast and the Bearcats have defeated three consecutive undefeated teams, including Grand Valley State, who had a 40-game win streak coming in, yet didn’t get the home game last week. Very strange.

PICK – NW MISSOURI STATE (you’re welcome, Ms. Scott)

D3 CHAMPIONSHIP

Mount Union (14-0) at Wisconsin-Whitewater (13-1)

I wonder how much President Clinton wished that Whitewater was a figment of his imagination. And I wonder if Hillary will ever have to deal with it during her campaign. By the way, did you know that the election is next November? You’d think it was tomorrow with all the ads and debates going on. Two words – overkill.

PICK – MOUNT UNION

SWAC CHAMPIONSHIP

Jackson State (7-4) vs. Grambling (8-3)

I promise that this game will be played this week. It was on the schedule two weeks ago so maybe the poolkeeper was dreaming about watching the bands at halftime.

PICK – JACKSON STATE

NAIA CHAMPIONSHIP

Sioux Falls vs. Carroll

I went to Montana earlier this year. That’s where Carroll is from. So I’ll go with experience here.

PICK — CARROLL

NFL – Every game on the board this week!!

Broncos (6-7) at Texans (6-7)

Your fantasy pick in this game – Brandon Marshall. He picked up two touchdowns last week against the Chefs and celebrated one of them by tossing snow in the air. He received a flag for unsportsmanlike conduct. Apparently, snow is considered a prop and you’re not allowed to use props when celebrating a touchdown. So there goes my idea of having a giant snowball fight when I eventually get into the endzone someday.

PICK – BRONCOS

Bungles (5-8) at 49ers (3-10)

Fantasy pick – A date. If you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night watching THIS game, you’re either a loser, sick, demented, or you live in the Northeast and are snowbound. Here’s a tip – find something else on TV.

PICK – BUNGLES

Seahawks (9-4) at Panthers (5-8)

Fantasy pick – Marcus Trufant. His primary job will be to make sure that Steve Smith doesn’t catch any passes this week. Smith has been rather quiet this year since his quarterbacks have been David Carr and Vinny Testaverde, two guys who don’t inspire much fear in opposing defenses. The Rakefighters need Trufant to make sure that Smith doesn’t put up any crazy numbers.

PICK – SEAHAWKS

Falcons (3-10) at Bucs (8-5)

Fantasy pick – Bubba Johnson, cellblock D. So now that Mr. Dogkiller has been sentenced, hopefully we won’t have to hear anymore about the case for a while. In the meantime, the Falcons have lost their coach to Woo Pig Sooey, in essence trading Alpo for Hillshire Farm. At least you don’t need a leash and a spiked collar to corral a pig. However, it would have been funny had he gone to Mississippi State or Southern Illinois or even Albany.

PICK – BUCS

Packers (11-2) at Same Old SORRY ASS Rams (3-10)

Fantasy pick – Brett Favre. Even though he doesn’t perform well in domes, how can you not ride this horse? But I know someone who can’t. His name is Matthew Berry and he calls himself the ‘talented Mr. Roto’ for ESPN.com. He’s a FRAUD. How is it that someone gets paid actual money to tell you who to start in a FANTASY football game? Well this guy makes a fool of himself each and every week on NFL Countdown. If I see him pop up, I immediately change the channel because it seems every player he recommends you to sit, ends up coming up big. Usually, it’s hindsight. But last week, it was foresight. This knucklehead had the balls to tell the world to sit Brett Favre against the Raiders. THE RAIDERS!! 266 yards and 2 touchdowns later, those idiots that listened to this shill was out roughly 20 points. At playoff time, I don’t have to tell you how vital that is. So this is my warning to you – don’t pay any attention to him or these other so-called experts. They’re guessing just as much as you are and they don’t have to answer for you making the transaction.

PICK – PACKERS

Jags (9-4) at Steelers (9-4)

Fantasy pick – Fred Taylor. The Rakefighers are leaving Maurice Jones-Drew on the bench this week because of the Steelers solid defense, which my opponent happens to be starting this week. So that means I need Taylor to go crazy and get all the touchdowns and keep Jones-Drew from getting too many yards like what happened last week against the Panthers. My secondary pick would be anyone with a muzzle for Steelers safety Anthony Smith. Dude, don’t EVER piss off the Patriots, especially when you couldn’t cover a cripple running a stop route.

PICK – STEELERS

Cards (6-7) at Saints (6-7)

Fantasy pick – Rakefighters starting WR Marques Colston. The only thing that worries me about this pick is that Colston hasn’t caught a single touchdown pass at home this season. Mr. Brees, please throw Marques the ball a lot in this game. And to the Saints defense – keep Edgerrin James in check so I don’t regret putting him on the bench this week, too.

PICK – SAINTS

Bills (7-6) at Brownies (8-5)

Fantasy pick – Anyone on the Browns defense that can stop Marshawn Lynch. All of you who thought at the beginning of the season that this game would be crucial to the playoff race, raise your hand. No, Drew Carey and Jim Kelly, even you two couldn’t have been that confident.

PICK – BROWNIES

Titans (7-6) at Chefs (4-9)

Fantasy pick – If I live in one of these two cities, a moving van. Both of these teams are way too frustrating to pick. And now that the two teams that I own that have Vince Young on the roster have packed up their locker rooms for the season, I’ll stop asking him to put up big numbers for me. And you know what that means – here comes the monster 30-point breakout game.

PICK – TITANS

Crows (4-9) at Fish (0-13)

Fantasy pick – A wayback machine. I think we know the reason why for both teams. Two weeks ago, I said that the Fish were bound to get one and the Jets game was probably their best chance. They then lost 40-14. They’ve got this game against the Crows and then the Bungles on the final day of the season. I don’t think they’re going to get one and that’s pretty sad.

PICK – CROWS

Jets (3-10) at Patriots (13-0)

Fantasy pick – Tom Brady. I know, not much of a stretch here. He has carried the Rakefighters to their 10-3 record this season and one of those losses came to the team I’m playing this week and it happened on Brady’s bye week. Well, the Pats will certainly get their retribution for the Jets ratting them out during Spygate. My fear with this game is not how bad the Patriots win the game but whether they can put up a lot of points because there’s a lot of snow in the forecast and that might mean less passing.

PICK – PATRIOTS

Colts (11-2) at Raiders (4-9)

Fantasy pick – Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark. I’ve got those two and my opponent has Manning. So any touchdown passes that Peyton wants to throw, please funnel them to these two guys. Don’t throw it to Anthony Gonzalez or Ben Utecht or Joseph Addai or some other schlep. I NEED POINTS!!

PICK – COLTS

Lions (6-7) at F’ing Chargers (8-5)

Fantasy pick – Stick-umm for Paris Lenon. JUST FALL ON THE BALL!! Lenon was so close to being on the receiving end of Tony Romo’s fumble last week but instead tried to scoop it up for a meaningless touchdown. If he falls on it, the Lions win the game and we don’t have to hear about Romo’s ‘legend’ building (more on that later). On another vindictive note, nice to see that the F’ing Chargers could win a road game last week. However, their 14-point deficit going into the fourth quarter shows that they’re dead meat when they get a playoff game on the road. It also showed that the Titans are still a year away from really being a beast.

PICK – CHARGERS

Eagles (5-8) at Cowgirls (12-1)

Fantasy pick – a towel for announcers calling Cowgirls games. It really started last year but the amount of drooling that Al Michaels, John Madden, Joe Buck, and Troy Aikman have done over Tony Romo is totally disgusting. I’ve made other comparisons but it’s a family column so I’ll keep it clean. But let’s just say that Romo could probably have a second job as an adult film star. I’ll admit that he’s a good quarterback, but until he can take the Cowgirls through the playoffs, I’m not sold. The lasting image I have of him as a playoff quarterback is him dropping the snap against Seattle. That said, I need the Cowgirls defense to stop Brian Westbrook. If that can happen, the Rakefighters will go to the finals.

PICK – COWGIRLS

Redskins (6-7) at Giants (9-4)

Fantasy pick – That old lady from the EA Sports commercials. I mean, who wouldn’t want an assassin like that jacking players up over the middle. And you could probably get her cheap too. I’d think $20,000 could buy plenty of knitting.

PICK – GIANTS

Bears (5-8) at Vikings (7-6)

Fantasy pick – Chester Taylor. The last time these two teams hooked up, Adrian Peterson gouged us for over 200 yards. That was unthinkable against the Bears defense last season but this year, we’re giving up a truckload of yards on the ground. Well, Taylor is one of the Rakefighters starting running backs and if I need those crucial Monday night points, I’ll have to sadly root against my team. We’re out of the playoff race and we’re starting Kyle Orton at quarterback, for God’s sake. I just wish we had a running back like Adrian Peterson. We have one NAMED Adrian Peterson but he isn’t nearly as explosive. Oh well, maybe next year.

PICK — VIKINGS

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DATRES AT THE DESK: The Rants

Thursday, December 6th, 2007

DATRES AT THE DESK:
The Rants

By Chris Datres, special contributer to Radio Happy Hour

Email Chris Datres

LAST WEEK – 15-8 (8-3 college, 7-5 pro )

SEASON — 211-114 (116-53 college, 95-61 pro)

For what it’s worth, I’m now 11 games out of the lead in the pool that these picks are involved in – I dropped another game back in the standings partly because I couldn’t pick an NFL game correctly after 1pm on Sunday. And if I hope to bring home any money in another pool that I’m in, I’d better start getting some of these NFL games correct.

The hypothetical Eliminator season ended when Hall of Fame coach Joe Gibbs didn’t know the rules. He called consecutive timeouts to ice Bills kicker Rian Lindell with 6 seconds remaining. That rules oversight cost the Skins 15 yards and allowed Lindell an easier kick from 36 yards, which he made. At some point, I wonder when Gibbs will decide that he’d rather deal with Tony Stewart’s temper tantrums more than the rigors of the NFC East.

Other Week 14 morons include West Virginia who apparently didn’t want to go to New Orleans this year in losing to 4-touchdown underdog Pitt. Easiest way to stop the Mountain Men – control the ball on offense and force West By God to beat you through the air – they’re not a good passing team at all. And extra kudos to the BCS who once again figured out a way to screw up the system. Missouri went from #1 to the Cotton Bowl while Kansas, who hasn’t beaten a team with less than 5 losses this year, gets to go to Miami and collect a large paycheck (not to mention a beatdown at the hands of the Chokies).

NCAA

1-AA SEMIFINAL

Delaware (10-3) at Southern Illinois (12-1)

This is the battle of some odd mascots. SIU is the Salukis, which is a Middle Eastern-bred dog that looks a little on the shaggy side, at least up around the head. Delaware is the Fighting Blue Chickens, er, Hens. And let’s face it, the Chickens certainly don’t inspire any fear in anyone. Plus, as a Towson grad, I can’t possibly put my faith in maybe our biggest rival.

PICK – SOUTHERN ILLINOIS

1-AA SEMIFINAL

Richmond (11-2) at Appalachian State (11-2)

Appy State is to blame for all this mess that happened in college football this year. They got the ball rolling with their monumental upset of Michigan in the Big House the first week of the year. The funny thing is that it may not be the biggest upset of the year now that we look back at the season. You also had Stanford over USC and Pitt over West By God. So in honor of causing the mess, Appy State gets the pick on their way to their 3^rd straight national championship.

PICK – APPY STATE

D2 SEMIFINAL

Valdosta State (11-1) at California (PA) (13-0)

Fortunately, this isn’t the Cal Bears. At least this California team knows how to close opponents out when they have an undefeated record.

PICK – CALIFORNIA (PA)

D2 SEMIFINAL

Grand Valley State (12-0) at NW Missouri State (11-1)

OK, GVSU has a pedigree as they have won 4 national titles in the past 5 years, including a win over NW Mo State last year. Now, there’s this girl that I’ve heard so much about and I certainly wouldn’t mind meeting who is a NW Mo State alum and I know that she’s heard about these picks and would be highly disappointed if I didn’t pick her team. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that revenge happens and GVSU gets sent home without a championship this year.

PICK – NW MISSOURI STATE

D3 SEMIFINAL

Mary Hardin-Baylor (12-1) at Wisconsin-Whitewater (12-1)

I think it was the Clinton Administration that taught us never to trust anything coming from Whitewater. I wonder who Mary Hardin is and if she’s an easy date.

PICK – MARY HARDIN-BAYLOR

D3 SEMIFINAL

Bethel (12-1) at Mount Union (13-0)

Mount Union is the perennial power in D3 and I really don’t smell an upset at all. However, it is the year of the upset so why not one in the lower division?

PICK – MOUNT UNION

NFL

F’ing Chargers (7-5) at Titans (7-5)

I guess I should lay off the F’ing Chargers now that even my hypothetical Eliminator is dead. But until they can prove that they can beat a good team on the road, then they’re still fraudulent in my book. Also, it’s playoff time and I really really need Vince Young to put up some numbers. I’d rather not be tempted to have to start Rex!!

PICK – TITANS

Giants (8-4) at Eagles (5-7)

Following the Giants’ putrid loss to the Vikings, NY’s GM called Elly Mae Manning ‘skittish’. Had my Bears defense not allowed Elly Mae to go down the field on them in the final minutes last week, I’m sure the GM would have had a lot more scathing words for that dolt. Instead, the G-Men got a gift win. I don’t think the Eagles and their fans will allow that to happen so I’m going with the upset…mainly because I’m still bitter.

PICK – EAGLES

Fish (0-12) at Bills (6-6)

Even if the Fish weren’t 0-fer this season, I wouldn’t give them a snowball’s chance in hell of winning in December in Buffalo.

PICK – BILLS

Panthers (5-7) at Jags (8-4)

Well, it looks like the Panthers have evened out, making their games easier to pick. And at least they won’t owe the home fans a huge apology since they finally won a home game last week. That won’t be saving Coach Fox’s job at the end of year. But that’s what happens when you lose Jake Delhomme and have David Carr and Old Man Testaverde as your backups.

PICK – JAGS

Same Old SORRY ASS Rams (3-9) at Bungles (4-8)

In Hell’s Sports Bar, this is the #1 game shown on all the televisions.

PICK – BUNGLES

Bucs (8-4) at Texans (5-7)

If the Bucs win this one, they could win the division. That should wipe the scowl off Chucky’s face for about, oh, 5 seconds.

PICK – BUCS

Vikings (6-6) at 49ers (3-9)

Amazingly, the Vikings have become competitive even with Tarvaris Jackson at quarterback. It certainly helps when you have an amazing running game. But like Bill Simmons, I’m looking forward to possibly betting against Jackson in a road playoff game.

PICK – VIKINGS

Cards (6-6) at Seahawks (8-4)

The slate of afternoon games this Sunday is really for the birds if you ask me.

PICK – SEAHAWKS

Steelers (9-3) at Patriots (12-0)

If this game were in Pittsburgh, I’d think the Pats would finally go down after the last two draining games they’ve had. But, the Patriots have had the Steelers’ number for the most part the last few years but the Steelers did end that long Pats winning streak a couple years ago…in Heinz Field, however. One word of advice to the Steelers – if you have the lead late, don’t throw a stupid interception and don’t call a timeout from the bench when your D is about to stuff the Pats on 4^th down and get the ball back. Learn from the Raven – nevermore!!

PICK – PATRIOTS

Chefs (4-8) at Mules (5-7)

Somewhere in the basement of NFL Films is the tape of the Monday Night game years ago when Joe Montana led a comeback in the last minute of the game against the Elway-led Mules. Can we just put that game on?

PICK – MULES

Brownies (7-5) at Jets (3-9)

The fever for the Brownies subsided a little bit last week with their loss to the Cards but if they get into the playoffs, they are one hell of a dangerous team. I wonder if Brady Quinn has the same look on his face over on the bench as he did in the green room during the NFL Draft. First, no one will pick him and then he can’t find the field because – surprise – the guy in front of him is pretty damn good.

PICK – BROWNIES

Saints (5-7) at Falcons (3-9)

This is the day we’ve all been waiting for – I guess you could say that every dog has its day, so to speak. Michael Vick will be sentenced on the afternoon prior to this game and thankfully, ESPN will be in town for the MNF broadcast. If they weren’t, I don’t know how we’d find out what the verdict was. We might hear so much about it that we might forget about what’s happening on the field. But it’s ok because the action on the field will be a real woofer too, especially if Sean Payton calls another reverse while trying to kill the clock late in the game.

PICK — SAINTS

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DATRES AT THE DESK: The Rants

Thursday, November 29th, 2007

DATRES AT THE DESK:
The Rants

By Chris Datres, special contributer to Radio Happy Hour

Email Chris Datres

LAST WEEK – 15-9 (9-3 college, 6-6 pro )

SEASON — 196-106 (108-50 college, 88-56 pro)

For what it’s worth, I’m now 10 games out of the lead in the pool that these picks are involved in – I dropped four games back in the standings, thanks to a number of professional football teams who weren’t very professional on Sunday. Included amongst the amateurs are Eli Manning for his 3 pick-6 performance against the Vikings, Coach Ken Whisenhunt of the Cardinals for not calling a timeout to avoid a delay-of-game penalty in overtime which thus pushed the ball back five yards and kicker Neil Rackers yakked the field goal, and Gus Frerotte for horrifically underthrowing a WIDE OPEN Isaac Bruce on the goal line for the game-winning score and then fumbling an easy snap on 4^th and goal to end the game. Invoices will be in the mail, boys.

As for the hypothetical Eliminator, I got a bad feeling that I’ll be kicking myself come the end of the season. The F-ing Chargers took care of business which would have extended me another week. Can you believe that 150 people (over half the remaining pool) put their stake of a quarter-million bucks on the backs of the Cardinals?? I know, I know – almost as bad as backing the Chargers on the road. Well, my game that I’d take this week isn’t on the board but it would be the Redskins over the Bills, despite the death of Sean Taylor on Tuesday. Now that they have that emotion in play, I think Buffalo is going to be roadkill. I really hope I’m wrong, though, because it’s gonna suck if I get the rest of the way on hypotheticals without a scratch.

COLLEGE

Rutgers (7-4) at Louisville (5-6)

I wonder if the folks at Papa John’s are charging a little extra for delivery this season to help buy the Cards some defense. I guess they’ll have to settle for Rick Pitino’s pressing D at Freedom Hall.

PICK – RUTGERS

Oregon State (7-4) at Oregon (8-3)

Until two weeks ago, this civil war was going to be one-sided. But now that Oregon has lost their stud QB, Dennis Dixon, and backup Brady Leaf is hurting (and ineffective just like his big bro), I think the Quacks are going to employ either Donald or Daffy to run their spread offense.

PICK – OREGON STATE (upset special)

UCLA (6-5) at USC (9-2)

The Trojans couldn’t possibly allow the crosstown Bruins to spoil the end of their season for the second year in a row, could they? I know this could be Karl Dorrell’s swan song but UCLA’s 4^th string QB couldn’t possibly handle that USC defense, right? I think I need one cheerleader from either side to convince me for sure.

PICK – USC

Cal (6-5) at Stanford (3-8)

THE BAND IS OUT ON THE FIELD!! Even 25 years later, the Stanford folks are still bitter about those six laterals. The lesson is – play until the whistle blows and keep your damn band off the field. At this point, Cal could use a band of something to get them going. Remember when they were a quarter away from being #1 before yakking it to the Beavers? How the less-than-mighty have regained their mediocrity.

PICK – CAL

Arizona (5-6) at Arizona State (9-2)

Loser of this game has to go sit on a cactus while having sand dumped on them. Yawn…

PICK – ARIZONA STATE

MAC CHAMPIONSHIP

Miami (6-6) vs. Central Michigan (7-5)

This is how stupid the MAC is – they have two different divisions but they play an odd amount of conference games. So only games in your division count toward getting you to the conference championship. Bowling Green sits home with a 6-2 conference mark while an AVERAGE Miami team gets to go to Detroit. It won’t matter as the Chippewas aren’t very nice hosts.

PICK – CENTRAL MICHIGAN

C-USA CHAMPIONSHIP

Tulsa (9-3) at UCF (9-3)

This game already happened about 6 weeks ago with UCF blasting Tulsa right out of Orlando. And if it’s one thing Floridians don’t want to