Just as you thought you were done with spending yourself out of house and home and had survived the burning desire to hang yourself with that last spool of red ribbon, here comes V-Day!  Yup, another holiday that’ll drag you out to the mall and possibly over the cliff.

Lucky for you, you’re an obsessed fan of  Dr. Blogstein’s Radio Happy Hour and hang on our every word.  The next bunch of words should keep you outta the dog house and maybe even up on the trophy shelf (where you’ll be oiled, massaged and admired) until at least the end of February.

Let’s get to it then.

As heard on this week’s Radio Happy Hour!

The Simone Sinclaire segment begins at the 47:00 mark
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If you give nothing at all, just please do not ever even consider giving the following:

1. Ugly bears, cheap chocolate or cologne. This shouts, “thank goodness CVS was open late cuz I completely forgot you on Valentine’s Day”.
2. Anything in a small box, if your girlfriend is expecting a ring and you’re not planning on popping the question. A disappointed girlfriend can quickly turn into a resentful, sex-withholding one.
3. Sex toys or porn unless you are offering to shoot some porn of yourself using the toys.  (and send it to us for our recreational viewing pleasure – eewww, no don’t do that)
4. Coupons for sex or anything else that should be free (unless you’re an expensive prostitute).
5. Anything that’s really for you that you’re trying to pass off as something for them. Ladies, this means no spa trips and guys, nothing with a plug or cord attached to it.
6. Exercise videos, diet books, gym memberships, a scale.
7. Lingerie in the wrong size. Too small and you run the risk of making her feel fat.  Too big and you run the risk of making her feel inadequate.
   
8. The Cocksock! (right)  At first I thought that this fell into the same category as #7 but after considering Collette’s advice, I’ve resolved to include the Cocksock on my List of Amazing Gifts, if and only if, you purchase it a few sizes too big and offer it with a look of sheer amazement when the thing falls off his soldier.  You may want to add, “but I’ve never had anyone as big as you, so I just figured…”

And for the absolute worst Valentine’s Day gift ever. . .an STD!!!!!

So now that we know what not to do, how about the perfect gift to say “I love you and understand you”, perfectly.  Here’s my list of 5 that I have either received (quite graciously I might add) or given (to rave reviews).

1. In lieu of a fancy dinner at a pricey restaurant, try shopping for your own ingredients and cooking your honey’s fave meal at home. Decorate your pad, candlelight and mood music, service with a smile and then sit back and wait for the generous tip that your dinner guest will surely want to give.  You’ll save your pennies, get brownie points for not burning the brownies and not have to make out in the back seat of a dirty cab.  Your contingency plan may include:
   • Ordering in from a favorite restaurant.  For this one, it’ll be all about the presentation.
   • Order in early, make a mess and lie about slaving all day over a hot stove.  Don’t forget to dispose of the evidence (your own garbage bin won’t do).
   • One of those pretty frozen pizzas with a cool sounding Italian name.  The people in the commercials are always making sexy eyes at each other when eating their “its not delivery, its d….whatever”.  I would only consider this if you did in fact burn your first attempt and you guys are still hungry.
2. Instead of expensive floor seats at your home team’s next game, why not surprise your Valentine with a one-on-one session of their favorite sport. This should come complete with his and her (or her and her or his and his) opposing team jerseys, lots of sweat, a healthy dose of competition and some gratuitous cheerleading to get your opponent feeling like a star.  This gift says, “I love spending time with you and want to be into the things you care about”.  Awwwww!
3. The Radio Happy Hour crew wasn’t so keen on this gift, but this is my list, so its staying on!  In place of a boxed DVD set of your Valentine’s favorite tv show, go with the DVD’s and a night at home, cuddled up on the couch or in bed, where you’ll subject yourself to the horror that is a marathon of a show you likely hate. Something about the whole sacrificial lamb thing, suffering in the name of love, is just so sexy. (This works with video games too)
4. If sending your woman to the spa just ain’t in the budget this season, (and why would you want to when VDay is about spending time TOGETHER), try setting up an at home spa for her. This should start with a warm bath, essential oils, dim lights, soft music, floating petals (fresh not dried), a warm towel (make sure there aren’t any hot spots that will make her feel like she’s gone for a chemical peel), a massage (full body and no slacking), a mani/pedi.  If you don’t know how to give one, google it.  She’ll love you for trying to please make sure that you get the fast drying polish since nail polish on the sheets doesn’t come out.  Yes, next stop will absolutely be the sheets.
5. If you are willing to spend a bit of coin and feel safer just wrapping something up, visit www.wearyourmusic.org.  This site has a seriously impressive list of celebrity musicians from all of the world who have donated their used guitar strings which are then turned into custom made, and fierce looking bracelets.  Each artist chooses a charity to which a percentage of the sale of their bracelet is donated.  You can shop by charity that your Valentine might be into or artist that they enjoy listening to.  The custom made bracelets (which look hot on guys and gals) range in price from $50 to $500 and come complete with a presentation box and certificate of authenticity.  Information about the selected charity is also included.

Come to think of it, a donation to any non-profit that may be of particular importance to your significant other, would make a stellar gift.  You can make the donation in their name to commemorate your love.  Help for Haiti seems like a good start.  This gift speaks volumes about the type of person you are any even the type of person your Valentine has inspired you to be.  Anyone who doesn’t appreciate a gesture like this, doesn’t deserve a tangible gift at all.

Finally, always include a card. Homemade is best (just like those silly little cards we gave and got in grade school). BTW,  I asked my husband, Jonathan, what he thought of all this.  He said that he didn’t care what the gift was, as long as it came with sex.  Guess we know what he’s getting this year.

So, happy Valentine’s Day, everyone.  Hope you get what you want.  In case you don’t, you can always post it up at www.badgiftemporium.com.

XXX,OO

Simone Sinclaire aka, The Professor of Love.

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This week on the
Radio Happy Hour:

The Jessica Sierra interview begins at the 14:00 mark

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Jessica Sierra was a tenth place finalist in the fourth season of American Idol.  She later appeared on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew after pleading “no contest” in a Tampa, FL courtroom to assault and cocaine possession.

Now, with two years of sobriety under her belt, Jessica is back in the studio recording music and recently gave birth to a  new baby boy, Kayden Cash, on December 5, 2009.

www.JessicaSierra.com

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Jason Sadler returns to the Radio Happy Hour, once again wearing a Got Blogstein? T-shirt.

As he did in 2009, Jason, now with his t-shirt buddy Evan White, is spending 2010 getting paid to wear shirts.  Each day of the year is sold at face value, so January 1 was $1 for Jason and $1 for Evan and December 31 is $365 for Jason and $365 for Evan.

Since Tuesday is Got Blogstein? Day, Jason and Evan will spend the day blogging, twittering, facebooking and making videos all about Dr. Blogstein’s Radio Happy Hour and all in their Got Blogstein? T-shirts.

www.iWearYourShirt.com

Also this week:

• Collette McLafferty, lead singer of edibleRed, cohosts
  

• Co-host Vinny Bond sits on his Big Leather Couch to chat live with the listeners

• The Burl of Annie and Burl Live works behind the scenes as pro-doucher

• Simone Sinclare of EstablishedMen.com and HDNet’s “New York Confessions” discusses Do’s and Dont’s for Valentine’s Day Gifts

• Shawn Amos tests our Pop Culture IQ
  

• and we’ll take your calls at 646-652-4804

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The Steven R. Boyett interview begins at the 11:45 Mark
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This week on Dr. Blogstein’s
Radio Happy Hour:

In 1983, Steven R. Boyett wrote Ariel, post-apocalyptic fantasy novel that became a cult classic.  Now, 26 years later, he finally comes forth with the sequel, Elegy Beach.

In addition to his writing, Boyette, AKA DJ Steve Boyett, produces three of the world’s most popular music podcasts: the groundbreaking Podrunner and Podrunner: Intervals (workout music mixes), and Groovelectric (dance music mixes of what he calls New Old Funk). He has played clubs in Hollywood, Las Vegas, San Francisco, and Reno, as well as Burning Man.

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The Simone Sinclare segment begins at the 29:45 Mark
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Simone Sinclaire is the CEO and founder for EstablishedMen.com.

Simone was featured in a 2009 Super Bowl commercial for the company. This national exposure helped her land the job as host of HDNet’s new spin-off series “New York Confessions”.

She returns to the Radio Happy Hour as a monthly contributor on sex, love, marriage and relationships.

The Name Your Tune segment begins at the 47:30 Mark
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And then of course after all the sex, love, marriage and relationships, you end up with kids that you’ll need to entertain.

Eric Alper of Name Your Tune will be by to tell us about his business of selling customized music for children. The child’s name is written into the songs!  We may even get to hear “Old McVinny Had a Farm”

Good gift for kids or recipe to raise a self centered child?

• Co-host Vinny Bond sits on his Big Leather Couch to chat live with the listeners

• Warrior Kat (right) is this week’s guest co host

• The Burl of Annie and Burl Live works behind the scenes as pro-doucher

• Justin the Mouthinator will toe the line between manic and psychotic

• and we’ll take your calls at 646-652-4804

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The Dustin Diamond interview begins at the top of the show

This week on Dr. Blogstein’s
Radio Happy Hour:

Dustin Diamond played Samuel “Screech” Powers, the lovable dork on the hit NBC Saturday-morning sitcom “Saved By the Bell.”

Now, after a few spots on reality television, some celebrity boxing and a leaked sex tape, Diamond adds “author’ to his resume with the release of Behind the Bell, a tell-all describing sex and drugs on the set of the popular show.

We’ll find out what happened when the cameras stopped rolling.

Become a Radio Happy Hour subscriber

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The Larry Johnson interview begins at the 24:00 mark

Larry Johnson, is the former chief operating officer turned whistle-blower of the controversial Alcor Life Extension Foundation, a company that researches, advocates for and performs cryonics, the preservation of humans after legal death in liquid nitrogen, with hopes of restoring them to full health when new technology is developed in the future.

Johnson has written Frozen: My Journey into the World of Cryonics, Deception, and Death, an expose alleging, among other things, the mistreatment and damage of the remains of Hall of Fame baseball legend Ted Williams.

The Simone Sinclare interview begins at the 53:50 Mark

Simone Sinclaire is the CEO and founder for EstablishedMen.com.

Simone was featured in a 2009 Super Bowl commercial for the company. This national exposure helped her land the job as host of HDNet’s new spin-off series “New York Confessions”.

During her stint as host of the provocative series, Simone will be hitting all of New York City’s hottest nightclubs, and finding beautiful people willing to share their craziest confessions – ranging from sex to drugs to rock n’ roll, and everything in between.

• Co-host Vinny Bond sits on his Big Leather Couch to chat live with the listeners

• “Reality Allie” is this week’s fill in guest host

• The Burl of Annie and Burl Live works behind the scenes as pro-doucher

• and we’ll take your calls at 646-652-4804