Coming up this week on DR. BLOGSTEIN’S RADIO HAPPY HOUR: (Live on Tuesday July 31st at 9PM ET and forever archived at BlogTalkRadio.)

Click button below to listen to this episode

Über Publicist Rob Tencer claims to have the secret to make YOU the next celebrity socialite. He’ll share some tricks of the trade and give tips how anyone can get mentioned on Page Six or in Life & Style Magazine. Tencer, who wrote the e-book, Stop Waiting to be Famous and Start Dating to be Famous, also promises tell us how us how even we can date a celebrity! Who wants to bet that Wilmer Valderrama read this book?

Also, Isobella Jade was once 5’ 2” and homeless. She’s still 5’2” but has overcome her lack of funds and lack of height to become a model. We’ll discuss her unconventional road to becoming a fashion model, find out if there are naked shots of her anywhere on the internet and discuss a potential movie being made about her life. Dr. B will also use tips he learned in the previous segment to get a date with a model!

All that, plus Dangerous Lee guest co-hosts, Vinny Bond joins us from his couch, we get another forecast from Justin the Weatherman and your calls!

Join us live every Tuesday night at 9PM ET. And if you miss us then, we’re ALWAYS ON right here and at our Radio Happy Hour affiliates found in the right sidebar. In fact, do yourself a favor and click here to SUBSCRIBE TO THE RADIO HAPPY HOUR!

You want to send a message?

THERE’S your message.

Send Paris Hilton to death row.

This would be a message to all young girls who idolize this empty headed scarecrow. The message would be loud and clear: Do something productive with your life or your life is worthless.

This would be a message to all wealthy, trust fund brats and celebrities. That message says: No amount of money, fame or good looks means you’re above the law. In fact, it just makes it easier to find you when you screw up.

Giving Paris the death penalty will also send a message to the paparazzi and entertainment magazine. It will warn them that if they continue to force news about these talentless train wrecks down our throats we will pick off their subjects one by one until they have nobody left to put on their front page!

This will be sending a message to the demented Seung-Hui Chos, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebolds of the world to stop shooting up their schools because of the perceived favoritism for the attractive and popular. This will tell them that even the prom queen will be held accountable for her actions if she deserves it.

Sending Paris to her death, as morbid and sick as it may sound, may do the world some good. And interestingly enough, it would do Paris some good. Finally, she will have done something with her life.

“Free Paris”

That phrase usually refers to the cost to have sex with her, but now it has a whole new meaning.

Paris Hilton has been sentenced to 45 days in jail for driving drunk, driving with a suspended license and driving while an idiot. She probably would have gotten off (no pun intended) easier had she not shown up for her court appointment 20 minutes late, posing for cameras, and giggling throughout.

I have no sympathy for her. In fact, I’m happy about it. It’s ridiculous that little girls look up to this spoiled brat as a role model so it’s about time she’s done something that little girls can learn from. You do something illegal, you get thrown in jail. No matter how pretty, no matter how rich, no matter how slutty–you get locked up!

But unfortunately, her minions and fans just aren’t getting this. Instead, they’re crying out about this “injustice” by passing around a petition to get Paris’ sentence dropped. Only it wasn’t until I read the petition on our buddy Vinny Bond’s site did I get this riled up.

“Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.”

Good lord! That’s just the beginning of the pathetic petition written by and signed by what only can be described as “LOSERS.”

I had to do something about it so I started a movement of my own. A petition to make sure Paris serves her full sentence. Please support this cause:

Back in March I wrote a post titled To Hell with Religion!, which now that it’s found in the Best of Blogstein section, has been rediscovered and has sparked a debate.

A commenter who chose to remain anonymous stopped by in an attempt to, I presume, “save me.” I recommend you read his whole “sales pitch” but here are some highlights with his spelling errors in tact:

“You are not an animal my friend. You have brain. Look at your wonderful site. This is your creation. An animal doesn’t do this. An animal seeks only food, sex and sleep. You are a reflection of God. God’s love is living inside you. You are full of creativity and imagination but you have been caught in the nets.”

“Ever wonder why so much depression , panic attacks and anxiety nowadays? Things weren’t like this, few years ago. Now the best occupation is to be a therapist, a psychologist, a neurologist. Tons of pills every day sold in order to allow one to feel like a human again. Why?… why such emptyness? Isn’t there something missing from our lives? Have faith. Even a little search for God will help you understand what i am talking about.”

It may come as a shock to many of you, but I enjoy when people log on and read what I have to say. I’m not writing this for my health. So, from time to time I think of ways to get the name “Dr. Blogstein” out there.

Sometimes I send spam emails and other times I take credit for crimes that I didn’t commit in the off chance that they say my name on the news. This week I decided to do what all attention starved wanna be celebrities do: I went partying without any underwear.

“Going Commando” has become a surefire way of getting some press–we’ve seen it recently with the daily Britney and Paris Crotch Watch Updates on gossip sites like Perez Hilton and Gawker–and I wanted in!

Well, its not as easy as I thought. First of all, I tried getting out of the back seat of a car numerous amount of times but not once was I exposed. Apparently, its a lot easier in a skirt, which I wasn’t about to try.

So I had to push the issue by “accidentally” leaving my fly open so something falls out as I exit a car. That worked, but the problem I then faced was there weren’t any photographers around. How do Paris and Britney get so lucky to have cameras around every time they make a mistake?!?

I’m going to have to revisit this plan. Stay tuned.

I’m also going to have to rethink this “freeballing” lifestyle. Its not as comfortable as its cracked up to be. For one thing, underwear serves as a nice layer of protection between you and the zipper. Rubbing up against those metal teeth is not my idea of comfort.

Underwear is also quite handy for when you want to wear khaki or any light color pants. Otherwise, every trip to the urinal has to end with a long and drawn out ceremonial dance to ensure that no drop remains when Little Johnny returns home.

And don’t get me started on wearing sweat pants to the gym. It would happen to you too had you been watching Ashley do those lunges!

In conclusion, I sit here hoping that you all learned something from this post. Admittedly, I’m not quite sure what lessons are hidden in these paragraphs but I would hate to think that I tell of these embarrassing tales without it having some educational benefit.