I wish you all could see me right now, typing all this up while wearing my well pressed tuxedo. Oh boy, this is a big event! We are unveiling the funniest posts of 2006 from across the entire world wide web!

What you’re about to see are submissions from bloggers worldwide of what they considered their funniest post of last year. You’ll be surprised at what some people consider funny. But I’m not here to judge, I’m just here to host. . .

Welcome to The Bestest Blog Carnival 1.3 which is concept thought up by the P.T. Barnum of the blogging world, Mr. Bobby Griffin of “The Bestest Blog of All-Time” where content comes before correct English.

And speaking of correct English, I’d like to begin by calling out a post that wasn’t submitted by the blogger but that I’ve chosen nominate myself. “Janna”, who was kind enough to design the brilliant looking logo atop this post, writes about Australian slang on her blog “One More Raindrop In A Bloggy Ocean” Excuse me as I go chunder in the dunny.

Now, onto our show. I will begin by playing favorites. The first group of the Funniest Posts of 2006 are from “Friends of Blogstein.” These are just some of the personalities (read: wackjobs) that stop by here at Dr. Blogstein and frequently contribute their two cents.

• First up, my man “Slaghammer” of “Alchemy Anyone?” After reading his post titled “Grand Entry” I wasn’t able to sit for days.

• Next, let’s hear from a chick that’s been kickin the retro cat-eye librarian look for years, the sexy “Starrlight” of “Here Comes A Storm“. You wont want her as your travel agent after reading her humorous post, “Girl, Get Me Out Of This Hell Hole “

• Mimi Lennox of “Mimi Writes” just wants to get a freakin’ banana in One Banana, Please. You wont believe how hard that is for her!

• Alex of R2K and countless other quality web destinations provides us with comical caption contest featuring Spider-Man.

• Finally, and this happens to be one of my favorites of the entire carnival, we all know him as “The Bizarre Jokester” of India’s funniest blog, “The Jokes Blog” and the dude (I think it’s a dude) even manages to make math funny in “The MATHS Joke!“

Let’s move on to what we’ll call Best in Show. These happen to be my personal favorites out of all the carnival submissions. Not being included here does not necessarily mean that your post isn’t funny, though it might.

• Leading off is Heather Smith from “Beautiful British Columbia” Its short, its sweet and it sounds like something I would say. Not bad for a Canadian.

• Ever wanna be black? Let “Dr. Woozie” at “The Tome of Communism” show you how. Now, I no longer have to be such a lame-ass craker. Fo-Shizzy.

• Muffin53’s Empress Bee (of the High Sea), the self-proclaimed “crusty old broad,” shares with us thirteen deliciously politically incorrect things you will not (or might) hear in the south. I reckon them there confederacy aint rising again anytime soon.

• Scrub-a-Home? How about Scrub-a-Truck? It’s Zorak of Grasshopper Ramblings with some visual humor. My blind readers may not be able to enjoy.

• If you know anything about me, you know I get a kick out of those Spam Scam emails so when I saw this goof on a “Nigerian Blogging Scam” I damn near plagiarized the whole thing! Don’t worry, Justin, if I steal your ideas I’ll be sure to give full credit to your blog, “More Cowbell .”

• Admittedly, I had never heard of the blog “Antichrist & Minotaur Man” before I started doing this Carnival but now that I’ve discovered it, I’ll have to return some more. This guy is funny. Check out his wacky, insomnia induced story called “Units in the Ocean.” Die you devilish creature of the sea!

Well, it looks like it time for our first musical performance of the evening. Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together for this touching tribute to The Children of Myspace:

Wow! Inspiring! Thank you! Next category is The Faux-Interview. This was a comedic device used with tremendous success by two of our contributors.

• It’s “Bud Wiser” of WTIT Tape Radio: The Blog (I imagine that if it were WTIT Television it could truly be called an actual “Boob Tube”) has a rare “interview” with President George W. Bush.

• Bobbarama goes soaring into uncharted waters at bobbarama.com with an exclusive interview with gruffy Professor Phil Pelican, the leading expert on ‘pels’ — Mother Nature’s unlikeliest ‘flights of fancy.’

Holy crap this is a lot of work! For the record, this is the most thought I’ve ever had to put into one of my posts! Speaking of crap. . .tell me, who in their right mind doen’t like bathroom humor? Seriously! Well, if you’re as sophisticated as I am, you are in luck. Whether you’re a fan of “#1″ or “#2″ do I have a couple of posts for you!

• #1: Cathy from “Cathy’s Rants and Ramblin’s” aims to please and pleads for aim in “How To Train Our Man“

• #2: Father Bohab gives us the inside scoop on a monster poop on his blog “When your only tool is a hammer”

Moving on. . .Let’s face it, if you’re reading Dr. Blogstein, you’re a nerd or at least a part nerd. Its nothing to be ashamed of, in fact, it means that you should enjoy the next grouping of Nerdtastic Humor featuring topics such as blogging, video games and The Simpsons.

• I can’t tell. Is this a real video game? I wish it were. Gabe presents Game Review: Stephen Colbert’s World of ColbertCraft [WoCC] posted at two new things: a webcomic.

• This award winning post comes from Wolf, James Wolf. He, of “I AM THE HUNTER,” won first place in a mentalfloss.com contest asking people to plot out the next James Bond flick. This 007 is indeed one of the funniest of 006.

• Sanni at Coffee2Go gives us every prank phone call Bart Simspon ever made and puts it on one easy to read web page. Hey everybody, I. P. Freely!
  

• Daniel Thompson of The Junkdrawer of Thought writes in: “just wanted to submit my article for the next blog carnival, Digital Communication. The problem is, I really don’t know which of my articles is funniest, or even if they are funny to anyone but me. If the host doesn’t think this post is funny, then it’s fine with me if he uses one these articles instead: Infinity Plus Infinity or Instruments With Funny Names.” Well, Daniel, I’ll let the readers decide. Personally, I enjoyed Instruments With Funny Names but perhaps I’m just a Sackbut.

• Schizo of The Blog of Dysfunction (geez, a blog more dysfunctional than this here?!?) uncovers “The great blogging conspiracy: What they don’t tell you before you begin blogging.” Gotta tell ya, this one rings true!

• Last though possibly the most nerdy of the Nerdtastic Humor grouping is Idea Book’s Ask Hawkins B.A.: Wee Pirate vs. Leprachaun. But don’t anyone try to pretend that you never spent nights wondering who would win in a fair fight between a wee pirate or a leprachaun?

And now, a word from our sponsors:

And we’re back to what is easily becoming the longest post in Dr. Blogstein history! Our next category is the Alzheimer’s Humor. That’s right, we have two submissions that poke fun at or laugh at the disease because I guess if you can’t laugh at dementia , then what can you laugh at?

• Karma Karma of JewBu Quest is a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. She also makes the best of a tragic situation in “My Mom is Cute” a touching and very human post. Keep laughing!

• J. Jeff Roberts of Jeff’s Jetsam offers us a Joke for Free. You get what you pay for. (sorry, couldn’t resist)

How about we move onto a little Holiday Hilarity? We have some X-Mas lights and Halloween hijinx.

• Let’s start with Christmas while its still fresh in our memories. “They’re Everywhere!!!” could have been called “When Christmas Lights Attack” and is your chance to see Kara of “A Bit of Me” use the phrase “I almost wet my pants.”

• “Secret Simon” takes time out of sharing “The Secret of Life” with us to take us trick-or-treating this past Halloween.

Let’s check some of the funniest Public Service posts of 2006.

• Want to look better naked? Gale Martin of Gem-osophy tells us how in her post “How to look sensational naked without really trying.” Sorry guys. No pictures!

• Did you get a gift this Christmas that you felt was way too extravagant so you said something like, “Oh, I can’t accept that.”? If you answered “yes” then you’re an idiot and need to see a therapist. Luckily, “TherapyDoc, Linda Freedman” of Everyone needs therapy? Lessons from a family therapist can fix you with her post “Take the gift, Just take it”. And if not, I’m sure she has office hours.

Now onto the Mothers of All Posts: Funny posts by moms, about moms, and for moms. Mommy blogs are great. I will never, ever, ever say anything bad about a mommy blog again. I love them all so dearly.

• Heather of “Ramblings and the Likes” has a nine-year-old son who reacts to tiny field mice the same way that I do! Enjoy “Mom, we have rats!!”

• Rory Sullivan presents Seven Seconds Of Uninhibited ROCKING OUT!! posted at her blog “hamelife.” I watched it three times and it only took 21 seconds!

• Finally, “Tisha a/k/a Crazy Working Mom” dares to dream in “A Day In The Life…”

By the way, my apologies to CaptainDramaticsMom for not posting her link. For some reason I couldn’t open it up without it closing all my browsers. Nothing against you, I swear.

Now, let’s sit back and enjoy our second musical act of the evening, then we’ll return to conclude the BESTEST BLOG CARNIVAL. This song is in honor of all the pansies getting ready to root for the New England Patriots this weekend in the NFL Playoffs.

Wonderful! Wonderful! Thank you for that spirited performance. Is this post dragging on long enough for you guys? Well, stay with me, we have five more of the funniest posts of 2006 to go.

Did you know that in the first season of Gilligan’s Island, the theme song did not include Mary Ann or The Professor? They were important characters but were lumped into the lyrics as “all the rest.” Well, all of that to say that I’m lumping the final five posts into All The Rest because not of them fit any of my categories.

• Kevin of Humble Tidbits of Vacuity will leave you cracking up with this post. Let’s just say, his friend Stevie loses his “virginity” at ten-years-old. . .to Wilbur the dog.

• Jessie, the host of the Bestest Blog Carnival 1.2 comes through with a post about her car from her blog “Who Are We” and some more Funny Things from her blog “Hunna’s Happenings“

• Terri at “Musings” discusses one of my favorite subjects in “The Bra is the Thing” Yeah, you guessed it…boobies!

• And finally, look no further than “The Missal” for Juan Wartina Garcia’s hilarious look at New York City’s ban on “Trans-Fat.” I, much like Garcia, am stunned that fat people can not use the transit system. But you know what? They could use the exercise.

Well, that finally closes the book on 2006. If you had half as much fun reading this as I had putting it together then I will have doubled your fun.

Thank you all for stopping by. Please come again. Stay tuned for your late, local news except for those of you on the west coast.

Good night everyone!

Happy New Year, everyone! I’m back and thank goodness for that. Boy did I pick an eventful week to be away from this site. I missed out on so much!

The whole Saddam hanging thing just snuck up on us. They didn’t waste any time killing the old guy. It was like how an NFL team lines up and snaps the ball real fast after a bad call by the ref so that they get a play off before the other coach has time to throw the red flag to challenge the call. (Wow, that was a long, drawn out analogy.)

It’s too bad I wasn’t around for the Saddam hanging. I would have titled my post “Well Hung” and maybe came up with the idea of bringing Saddam to Times Square and have him drop at the stroke of midnight. Speaking of stroke, was Dick Clark any better this year? I didn’t see him.

I also missed out on writing about the death of President Gerald Ford. I guess I still have that opportunity since the dude isn’t even buried yet. How many funerals is this guy gonna have? All this pomp and circumstance around Ford makes it easy to forget that Dr. Blogstein has been elected president the same amount of times as Gerald Ford had. Al Gore has us both beat by one.

James Brown died too while I was away. I didn’t really care.

A word to the wise, (you’ll soon realize that this posting is a bit of a stream of consciousness. I have so much bottled up inside after a week off I’m just letting it flow) don’t make your New Year’s resolutions while drunk—especially if “drink less” is one of them. Speaking of which, I was wondering, do alcoholics get hangovers? If not, that would be a check mark in the list of the “pros” of developing that problem.

I’ve got a big 2007 planned for you guys. Some more exclusive interviews, Dr. Blogstein’s Miss Blogger 07 and coming up later this week The Funniest Posts of 2006!

That’s right, Dr. Blogstein is the place where the entire web community is showing off their sense of humor. You’ll get the funniest posts from the entire blogosphere all in one place and that place is here. Just to whet your appetite, here is just one of the hilarious posts that you will see here come Thursday:

“Then a stream of fiery death lava began spraying out, it had the consistency of magma, broken glass, oatmeal and battery acid.”

Click here to find out what Father Bohab is referring to on his blog “When your only
tool is a hammer”—you’ll be sorry you did.

(WORLD WIDE WEB) Bobby Griffin of The Bestest Blog of All-Time announced yesterday that www.DrBlogstein.com will be the host of the Bestest Blog Carnival on January 4, 2007.

The carnival, the third ever organized by Griffin, will be a collection of the funniest posts of 2006.

“I am truly honored to have been given this privilege, ” Dr. Blogstein said, “This is an honor akin to a city hosting a Super Bowl or a party’s national convention.”

The first Bestest Blog Carnival, which went online on December 18th, yielded 44 submissions, including one from Dr. Blogstein. The second Bestest Blog Carnival is scheduled to go online on Wednesday and will appear on host website “Who We Are”.