Coming up on DR. BLOGSTEIN’S RADIO HAPPY HOUR: (Live on Tuesday at 9PM ET and forever archived at BlogTalkRadio.)

This holiday season, unwrap what Santa Blogstein has shoved under your tree: An overweight, homosexual mobster, an Academy Award winning, UFO believing actress, a former Palestinian terrorist and much, much more! (Man, you have a big tree!)

Spend an hour this Christmas (from this link) and New Year’s Day (from this link) celebrating with the Radio Happy Hour’s two-part holiday special! Relive some of your favorite moments of 2007 or hear them for the first time.

• Do you know where the phrase “TYPE POTATO IN THE CHAT ROOM” originated?
• Do you know what Phil’s first Radio Happy Hour appearance sounded like?
• Do you remember when Jane was caught sneaking off to the Jersey Shore with some strange guy?

Whether you’re listening to these moments or interviews with Shirley MacLaine, Joey G, and Walid Shoebat for the first time or you’re laughing with (and at) us all over again, these are two shows that you must tune in for!

PART ONE
(available starting at 9pm ET on 12/25)

 

 

 

PART TWO
(available starting at 9pm ET on 1/1)

 

 

 

Happy Holidays from Dr. Blogstein, Dangerous Lee, Jane, Vinny Bond, Phil and Justin the Weatherman

DATRES AT THE DESK:
The Rants

By Chris Datres, special contributer to Radio Happy Hour
Email Chris Datres

 

LAST WEEK — 14-8 (4-2 college, 10-6 pro)

SEASON — 249-137 (126-60 college, 123-77 pro)

First off, Merry Xmas to everyone out there. And if you don’t celebrate Xmas, then happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, or whatever holiday you celebrate.

It was a very merry Xmas for yours truly as not only did the Bears tack my rant to their bulletin board and thrash the FudgePackers in the wind and snow of Soldier Field on Sunday but the Rakefighters squeaked out a 104-103 victory in the VBFL Championship. I said how I would have felt safe with a 60-point lead going into Monday night with my opponent having three players. Well, I had a 52-point lead and needed all of it. So for the first time in the 7 years I’ve been in that league, I walk away with the big prize and a nice little bit of spending money. As for the Bears, it’s about damn time they decide to play an all-around great game. Yes, the conditions weren’t exactly offense-friendly but the biggest complaints that I saved for the offensive line will become plaudits and bouquets this week as they opened up holes for Adrian Peterson and Garrett Wolfe and allowed Kyle Orton time to throw when he needed to. We may not make the playoffs this year but at least we swept the FudgePackers.

It’s a packed week with all the rest of the bowl games on the schedule, not to mention the entire Week 17 NFL schedule. So once again, brevity will be the rule rather than the exception. This week may conclude the regular season but I made the playoffs so there will still be RANTS into 2008.

NCAA

MOTOR CITY BOWL

Purdue (7-5) vs. Central Michigan (8-5)

Here’s another rematch of a regular season game, one in which Purdue blasted the Chips. Well, that was in September and since then CMU quarterback Dan LeFevour has been doing his best Tim Tebow impersonation. The game’s in Detroit and it’s a bit of a disappointment for the Boilers to be there so let’s pick the upset.

PICK — CENTRAL MICHIGAN

HOLIDAY BOWL

Texas (9-3) vs. Arizona State (10-2)

This game traditionally has more scoring than a college frat party the weekend before finals. So if you think you’re going to bed by 12:30 AM (all times Eastern) with this game on, think again.

PICK — ARIZONA STATE

CHUMPS SPORTS BOWL

Boston College (10-3) vs. Michigan State (7-5)

It’s great that these two teams escape the snow to come to Orlando for a week. But two of MSU’s best defenders couldn’t spell so they had to stay home and that significantly hamstrings a Spartan team that was a bit overmatched to begin with.

PICK — BOSTON COLLEGE

TEXAS BOWL

TCU (7-5) at Houston (8-4)

There would have been a war the area hadn’t seen since the Mexicans tried to take over in the 1830’s if two Texas teams weren’t invited to the state’s bowl. Fans there would have settled for the Dillon Panthers if that’s what it took to get a Texas team there.

PICK — HOUSTON

EMERALD BOWL

Maryland (6-6) vs. Oregon State (8-4)

This game is played in San Francisco and while you’ll find a lot of nuts there, you won’t find too many men siding with Beavers…ya know, because many of the men in San Fran are well, special. LOCK of the bowl season right here.

PICK — OREGON STATE

MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL

Wake Forest (8-4) vs. UCONN (9-3)

Every 3,000 miles, make sure you get your oil changed, your tires rotated, and your belts checked. Also, make sure you tip your mechanic, who likely graduated from UCONN.

PICK — UCONN

LIBERTY BOWL

UCF (10-3) vs. Mississippi State (7-5)

The pundits say that if UCF’s Kevin Smith runs for 181 yards, he’ll break the record most thought untouchable — the single-season rushing record held by Barry Sanders. But see, in Barry’s day, they didn’t count bowl games so since he had 222 yards in a thrashing of Wyoming in the 1988 Holiday Bowl, my calculations say that Mr. Smith needs to break LT’s record for yards in a game before he goes and breaks Mr. Sanders’s season record.

PICK — UCF

ALAMO BOWL

Penn State (8-4) vs. Texas A&M (7-5)

There will be much rejoicing from Nittany Lions fans following this game. It’s not because PSU will take down the Aggies but because it’s QB Anthony Morelli’s last game and we can’t WAIT for him to graduate.

PICK — PENN STATE

INDEPENDENCE BOWL

Alabama (6-6) at Colorado (6-6)

If you get caught watching this game, you’d better have a REAL good excuse. And if you do watch this game, please tell me what that excuse is.

PICK — ALABAMA

ARMED FORCES BOWL

Cal (6-6) vs. Air Force (9-3)

Hey, didn’t you used to be the same Cal team who was a quarter away from being the # 1 team in the country? And now you’re stuck in Fort Worth playing an Armed Force in the Armed Forces Bowl. Wow, those tree people really got to you, huh?

PICK — AIR FORCE

SUN BOWL

South Florida (9-3) vs. Oregon (8-4)

And didn’t you two teams used to be # 2 in the country at different times as well? Wow, how the mighty fell in 2007. Viewers note — if you don’t like the colors green and gold together on a uniform, don’t watch this game.

PICK — SOUTH FLORIDA

HUMANITARIAN BOWL

Georgia Tech (7-5) vs. Fresno State (8-4)

They really need to change the name of this game because there is nothing humanitarian about sending two teams to a bowl game in Boise, Idaho on New Year’s Day.

PICK — FRESNO

MUSIC CITY BOWL

Kentucky (7-5) vs. Florida State (7-5)

I never knew that a future clown, ringmaster, or trapeze artist would need the answers to their circus test. But apparently, that’s what happened in Tallahassee has FSU will have 25 players missing for fraudulent test taking and another 10 out for “injury or other violation”. At least the Criminoles will get an A for effort in this game…unless they’re given the answers for that beforehand too.

PICK — KENTUCKY

INSIGHT BOWL

Oklahoma State (6-6) vs. Indiana (7-5)

The great thing about all of these end-of-the-year compilation shows is that they rehash the quotes of the year and Oak State coach Mike Gundy’s rant will always be on there. That said, it wasn’t even the best quote by a coach this year. That belonged to the late Terry Hoeppner of Indiana who made it his team’s goal to play 13 games this year before he passed away. Well, Indiana’s there and they’re going to fulfill the coach’s dream.

PICK — INDIANA

PEACH BOWL

Clemson (9-3) vs. Auburn (8-4)

This is one guarantee that I can make on these picks — the Tigers will win this game.

PICK — AUBURN

OUTBACK BOWL

Tennessee (9-4) vs. Wisconsin (9-3)

Steve Spurrier used to say that the Citrus Bowl was Tennesee’s winter home because you couldn’t spell it without ‘UT’. Well, this is the Vols’ second straight trip to Tampa and if you look at the spelling of the bowl’s name, I think the Big Orange may have found a new home.

PICK — TENNESSEE

COTTON BOWL

Missouri (11-2) vs. Arkansas (8-4)

Cotton — what my mouth will taste like after a night of heavy New Year’s Eve drinking (or other exercises involving my mouth, we’ll see). Also, this is a 10 AM local start time. That can’t be good for the tailgating business.

PICK — MISSOURI

GATOR BOWL

Texas Tech (8-4) vs. Virginia (9-3)

If this is Jacksonville’s last football game for the season, it’ll go out with some serious offensive bang…and that’s not just the odorous smell coming from the Maxwell House factory down the street.

PICK — TEXAS TECH

CAPITAL ONE BOWL

Michigan (8-4) vs. Florida (9-3)

The drama here isn’t going to be whether a team that couldn’t stop the spread in getting stomped by Appy State and Oregon can slow down the Heisman Trophy winner. No, it’s going to be who wins the Capital One Mascot Open. My pick is the Roo of Akron because he can get a little extra distance with those springy legs. And for those of you who have seen the commercials, I’m sorry to say that is not me dressed in the Western Kentucky Big Red outfit. I’ve never thrown a club on the golf course…quite like Big Red did.

PICK — FLORIDA

ROSE BOWL

USC (10-2) vs. Illinois (9-3)

It’s the tourist vs. the businessman in this game. Illinois will be snapping pictures and pointing out all the LA landmarks. USC knows the town and it doesn’t impress them. This is lock # 2 of the bowl season.

PICK — USC

SUGAR BOWL

Hawaii (12-0) vs. Georgia (10-2)

The prospect of having Georgia girls and Hawaii girls flashing on Bourbon Street on New Year’s weekend makes me want to book a plane ticket to New Orleans. However, as I’ve learned from going to many Florida-Georgia games, the UGA girls may be cute but if they start barking, it’s an instant turn-off.

PICK — GEORGIA

FIESTA BOWL

Oklahoma (11-2) vs. West Virginia (10-2)

I’m willing to bet that this time, OU won’t be fooled by that tricky hook-and-ladder play on 4th and 18 in the waning seconds. I wonder if the WVU folks will send Rich Rodriguez postcards saying ‘wish you were here’.

PICK — OKLAHOMA

ORANGE BOWL

Virginia Tech (11-2) vs. Kansas (11-1)

If KU coach Mark Mangino goes topless on a Miami beach this week, so help me…

PICK — VIRGINIA TECH

INTERNATIONAL BOWL

Rutgers (7-5) vs. Ball State (7-5)

In honor of this game being played in Toronto, the field will be 150 yards long, each team will get three downs, and a touchback will be worth one point. Otherwise, there’d really be no reason to watch this mess.

PICK — RUTGERS

GMAC BOWL

Bowling Green (8-4) vs. Tulsa (9-4)

This one might be worth taking a look at only because both teams may outscore the worst NBA game of the night. By all means, take the over in this game, even if it’s 100.

PICK — TULSA

BS CHAMPIONSHIP GAME (’C’ intentionally omitted)

LSU (11-2) vs. Ohio State (11-1)

Let’s run down the number of national championship games that the Suckeyes have lost in the last 12 months — football to Florida, basketball to Florida, men’s soccer to Wake Forest, worst fans to Michigan. I really hope I can add another football loss to that ledger.

PICK — LSU

NFL (finally)

Pats (15-0) at Giants (10-5)

1972 Dolphins fans are a little disappointed that the Bills laid an egg in the final 3 quarters against the Giants last week. Now the G-men have nothing to play for and that probably means the Pats will pull off the perfect season. And that’ll make the sour look on Belichick’s face even sweeter when that first loss comes in the playoffs.

PICK — PATS

Titans (9-6) at Colts (13-2)

Colts have nothing to play for here and will likely sit Manning after the first series. The Titans need to win to get into the playoffs and somehow are 6 1/2-point favorites on the road. I’d be leery of the point spread as well as the straight-up. I know it’s roll-over time for the Ponies but I’m not sure the Titans best effort could beat their second string.

PICK — COLTS

Cowgirls (13-2) at Skins (8-7)

If the Skins win, they get to the playoffs. And they’d like nothing more than to get there thanks to beating on their hated rival. I wonder if Jessica Simpson will use the FBI to make sure no cameras spot her in the stands this week.

PICK — SKINS

Seahawks (10-5) at Falcons (3-12)

Thankfully for the Falcons, it doesn’t snow in Atlanta because the rescue squads would have called back the St. Bernards a long time ago.

PICK — SEAHAWKS

Bungles (6-9) at Fish (1-14)

Because the schedule makers say that you have to play the game.

PICK — FISH

Saints (7-9) at Bears (6-8)

We broke their hearts last year in the NFC title game and since they didn’t learn from that, we’ll have to break the Saints’ hearts again in this, their last gasp at a playoff berth.

PICK — BEARS

Bills (7-8) at Eagles (7-8)

Over/Under on number of signs spotted in the stands asking Donovan McNabb to stay — 6 1/2. It’ll be interesting to hear the fan reaction to # 5 throughout this game.

PICK — EAGLES

Panthers (6-9) at Bucs (9-6)

I think it’s only appropriate that the Panthers have the record that they do and that they’re headed to Tampa with that record in tow. Now, if they bring their cheerleaders along with them, it would only make the story come full circle. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, please feel free to ask me. You’ll be able to find me in stall # 2 videotaping the action.

PICK — BUCS

Jags (11-4) at Texans (7-8)

Another game that means nothing to the supposed favorite in this game. Warning for 2008 — if the Texans can add one more offensive weapon, they are going to be a playoff team next year.

PICK — TEXANS

49ers (5-10) at Brownies (9-6)

For the Brownies, it’s win and hope for a Titans loss. Mr. Mouth, aka Kellen Winslow, Jr., stated on Monday that his team is the better team and that they want it more. Well, clown, if that’s the case then tell your quarterback not to throw so many damn picks in the red zone.

PICK — BROWNIES

Steelers (10-5) at Crows (4-11)

So riddle me this — how is it that a good guy like Willie Parker gets twisted up on a tackle and he breaks his leg while a piece of trash like Terrell Owens gets twisted much the same way in a tackle and all he gets is a sprain? It’s just not fair sometimes.

PICK — STEELERS

God’s Squad (7-8) at Packers (12-3)

I’ll bet Jon Kitna circled this game on his calendar in August when he made his 10-win guarantee and thought it would be for a playoff seed. I hope he at least circled it with a note that says, ‘wear something warm’.

PICK — PACKERS

Chargers (10-5) at Raiders (4-11)

Warren Sapp reached a new low on Sunday when he received 3 straight unsportsmanlike conduct penalties and was tossed from the game. But now he’s forged his Raiders legacy along such mad men as John Matuszak and Lyle Alzado. I just hope Sapp isn’t like those two guys in other ways.

PICK — CHARGERS

Vikings (8-7) at Mules (6-9)

Who’d have thought that Denver would be site of a playoff berth’s death two years in a row? Last year it was the Mules who choked away a game against the pitiful 49ers to give away a playoff berth. This year, the Vikings have slim playoff hopes and must win and get a Skins loss to get in. By the time the game kicks off, they will know their fate — hopeless.

PICK — MULES

Same Old SORRY ASS Rams (3-12) at Cards (7-8)

Everywhere, St. Louis fans are rejoicing that the season is over and now they can look forward to Paul Kariya leading the Blues to the Stanley Cup playoffs. Yes, they do have hockey in St. Louis. It’s called ‘the gap between football and baseball seasons’.

PICK — CARDS

Chiefs (4-11) at Jets (3-12)

Good move by NBC moving this game out of the 8:15 time slot. Otherwise, this would reside right next to the Alabama-Colorado game on the list of ‘things I’d watch to prove I’m a demented fool’.

PICK — JETS

Coming up this week on DR. BLOGSTEIN’S RADIO HAPPY HOUR: (Live on Tuesday December 18th at 9PM ET and forever archived at BlogTalkRadio.)

Bonnie “Eyez” Mercado is a model/actress who is best known as “the spy” on VH1’s Flavor of Love 2. She’ll join Dr. B and Dangerous Lee on the internet’s fastest growing radio show.

Why did Flavor Flav choose Bonnie to infiltrate the girls and sort out which ones were only out for the rapper’s cash? Why did Bonnie accept this mission? What, if anything, has this done for her career? Those hard-hitting questions and several softer ones to be lobbed her way.

Also this week, Brian Nuestro will be spending New Year’s Eve weekend in Las Vegas competing in the World Series of Beer Pong. We’ll get a sense of his training regiment, his hopes for winning the $50,000 prize and offer him last minute tips.

All that, plus we’ll play “GUESS THE CHRISTMAS MOVIE” for crappy prizes, SUPREME COMMANDER OF THE CYBERWAVES Vinny Bond drags his Big Leather Couch into the Radio Happy Hour Lounge and chats live with the listeners, Justin the Weatherman with his forecast and your calls at 646-652-4804

Join us live every Tuesday night at 9PM ET. The Radio Happy Hour Lounge–a live chat room during show time–is a whole new reason to make sure you listen live! It’s the show within the show!

But if you can’t and miss us live, we’re ALWAYS ON at www.DrBlogstein.com

Please enjoy this show recap told in poem form courtesy of Annie of Annie & Burl Live! on BlogTalkRadio.

When reading, please keep in mind that I had NO PART in writing this. Again, this poem is courtesy of Annie of Annie & Burl Live!, not Dr. Blogstein. I want no credit for this. Please.

By the way, it took Annie 90 minutes to write this. Enjoy.

Twas the night before Blogstein, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even Allison Krauss

The guys were well hung by the computer with care

In hopes that Miyoko soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of you on a cheesecake danced in our heads.

And Chocolatta as your cohost and earlier I took a nap

Not knowing that later I would hear Queen do a rap.

Just when we thought those Fat Bottom Girls couldn’t get fatter

The Dj called and he interacted with our chatter.

Away to the screen I flew like a flash

Tore open my wallet saying damn this dude makes a lotta cash!

Along the way I stubbed my big toe

Which is more well hung then a few guys I know

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear…

But that phone call from Miyoko, and my hubby with a bottle of beer,

With his pants saying “Free Willy” I rushed over quick

I knew in a moment it would grow real thick

More rapid then eagles I think he came

And he whistled, he shouted and called her by name

“Now, Annie! now, Annie! now, my dancer and Mikoko, you Vixen

I’m gonna bend you over my knee and give you a fixin!

To the top of the porch and a little on the wall

Now dash away!dash away!Dash away all!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

I’m thinking to myself I can’t wait to mount my guy,

So up to the house top the courses we flew

Wish a drawer full of goodies at 20% off too!

And then in the twinkling, I’m looking toward the roof

We’re doing it doggie-style “woof”

With Burl’s swollen gland, my head spinning around

I could barely stand up so I fell to the ground

He was undressed making me purr, from his head to his foot

As I got covered again but not with the soot

A bundle of toys and me getting off track

When Burl finds out I wrote this I’m gonna get a smack!

His eyes how’ll they’ll twinkle, he thinks my writing is scary

Along with Hillary Clinton and Mariah Carey.

But I can’t say I didn’t warn him you know

He knew my thoughts weren’t as pure as the snow

But sometimes one must grin his teeth

Cause you really don’t know what lies beneath.

So about this phone call from Martha Stewart K-Y Jelly

That shook the room.. WHOA NELLY

Was a good time for all, I was a misbehaved elf

And I did that, I couldn’t help myself

A wink of Dr. Blogstein’s eye and a twist of his head

90 minutes wouldn’t last long this I would dread

He spoke several words, went straight to his work

Being a part of this room sure is a perk!

And laying his finger aside of his nose

And giving a nod that the room must now close

We sprang to his archives, his team gave a whistle

Thanks to Miyoko she gave my hubby a missile!

Coming up this week on DR. BLOGSTEIN’S RADIO HAPPY HOUR: (Live on Tuesday December 11th at 9PM ET and forever archived at BlogTalkRadio.)

Dr. Blogstein and Dangerous Lee will find out what is deemed “Too Hot for Blog Talk Radio” when they welcome Miyoko Fujimori to the Radio Happy Hour.

Miyoko owns and operates Indulge Party, a home party company that teaches women and couples how to enhance their intimate lives. She also hosts Shop Erotic TV, a home shopping show that features romantic products. But when she tried to get herself a show on BlogTalkRadio she was shut down. We’ll learn why. We’ll also make you blush.

Then, rapper Hassahn Phenomenon stops in to “Move the Crowd” and drop some rhymes (can I sound any whiter?) We’ll also find out how he is connected to Nadia Bjorlin, the hot soap opera actress we talked about on last week’s program.

All that, plus we’ll get an update from former guest Jessica Dorfman Jones and find out how her book ended up being part of a high profile crime investigation, SUPREME COMMANDER OF THE CYBERWAVES Vinny Bond drags his Big Leather Couch into the Radio Happy Hour Lounge and chats live with the listeners, your calls at 646-652-4804, and we’ll talk more about the OVEN BAG HOLIDAY SPECIAL.

Join us live every Tuesday night at 9PM ET. The Radio Happy Hour Lounge–a live chat room during show time–is a whole new reason to make sure you listen live! It’s the show within the show!

But if you can’t and miss us live, we’re ALWAYS ON at www.DrBlogstein.com