LAST WEEK – 16-8 (9-3 college, 7-5 pro )

SEASON — 163-91 (90-44 college, 73-47 pro)

For what it’s worth, I’m only 7 games out of the lead in the pool that these picks are involved in. And that would be great for the person who I influence with these picks IF she would take my advice. Apparently, she was paying attention last week as she won the week. Hopefully she was smart enough not to take South Carolina or the Chiefs. And I guess just to spite me, the F-ing Chargers beat the Colts, though it took a pair of yakked field goals by Adam Vinatieri, one of the more dependable kickers in NFL history.

On another note, Notre Shame is now 1-9 having lost to Air Force, the first time they’ve been beaten by a pair of service academies in the same year since 1944. The Coast Guard and the Merchant Marine Academy are setting up programs now and making the call to South Bend to see if they’d be interested in a game. But that now sets up a game for the ages on NBC on Saturday – 1-9 Duke at 1-9 Notre Shame. I’m sure Coach K and Coach Brey will have their charges ready to take the court and should give us a really entertaining game. Hell, they might as well put the hoops teams out there because Duke and NS are statistically, 2 of the absolute worst offensive teams in all of Division 1-A.

Unfortunately, that game isn’t on the week’s schedule. The following games are for entertainment purposes only (especially if you knew my betting record for the year):

COLLEGE

Hawaii (9-0) at Nevada (5-4)

If a Hawaiian plays a slot machine in Reno, do the wheels come up coconut, coconut, hula girl? The Rainbows have been living on borrowed time as they attempt to weasel their way into the BCS. That will take going undefeated and this is their last road game before two tough ones at home. They’ve lived a charmed life in two of their road games (at LA Tech and at San Jose – both OT wins). There will be a lot of points here and if they can get off to a good start, Hawaii will still have a chance.

PICK – HAWAII

Kentucky (7-3) at Georgia (8-2)

Georgia coach Mark Richt has put together a pair of interesting motivational techniques the last 3 weeks. Against Florida, he told his players that they’d all run if they didn’t get a celebration penalty after their first touchdown. When they scored that first TD, the entire bench stormed the field and they got their flags. Last week against Auburn, they busted out the black jerseys for the first time ever. I’m not quite sure it was the jerseys that allowed them to come back from 20-17 down in the third quarter to win. So what will it be this week? Best statistical game gets a night with Ashley Judd? Hey, there’s an idea. Sign me up!!

PICK – GEORGIA

Ohio State (10-1) at Michigan (8-3)

Let me tell you how great a college football day it was last Saturday – Michigan lost, followed by Penn State winning, followed by Florida State losing, followed by Notre Dame losing, followed by Ohio State getting upset at home. So after all that, it rendered this game totally meaningless on the national stage because let’s face it, no one gives a crap about the weak Big Ten this year except to laugh at them. And since I usually root against the team with the most to gain by winning this game and no one has that anymore, I can root for the earthquake.

PICK – MOTHER NATURE (or since I have to…Ohio State)

Vanderbilt (5-5) at Krispy Kreme (7-3)

I’m not sure if Jack Daniels goes well with cream-filled glaze but in altered states, I might be willing to try it.

PICK – KRISPY KREME (Tennessee for those of you uninformed souls)

Maryland (5-5) at Florida State (6-4)

It’s senior day in Tallahassee and Criminoles fans everywhere are saying, “Good Riddance”.

PICK – FLORIDA STATE

Purdue (7-4) at Indiana (6-5)

If you want to know the history of the trophy they give away for this intrastate battle, go here. I’ve been trumpeting Indiana’s ‘Play 13′ goal inspired by the death of their head coach Terry Hoeppner which is the goal to play in a bowl game. They’re bowl eligible but I’m afraid a loss here will keep them out of the postseason mix.

PICK – INDIANA

BC-Frauds (8-2) at Clemson (8-2)

Had it not been for the miracle comeback against the Chokies 3 weeks ago, I probably wouldn’t be calling BC a bunch of frauds. Now, they’re in the position where they have to go to Death Valley and play against a team who notoriously folds the tents at this time of the year. And this game is for the right to go to the ACC title game. So many subplots and so many opportunities to change people’s minds.

PICK – CLEMSON

Wisconsin (8-3) at Minnesota (1-10)

If you want to learn more about the Paul Bunyan Ax, the trophy these two teams play for, go here. The funniest part about this rivalry is that when the game is over, the winning team sprints to the bench of the team who won the Ax the previous year and grabs it, sometimes even heading to the goalpost to “chop it down”. Given how bad the Gophers have been this year, can start parading that Ax around the Metrodome by midway through the second quarter.

PICK – WISCONSIN

West By God (8-1) at Cincinnati (8-2)

The Big East has come down to this game and West By God’s game against UCONN next week. Since they self-destructed against South Florida, the Mountaineers haven’t been stopped. Cincinnati put the clamps on UCONN at home last week and they’ll be in a full lather to snatch that Big East title. But I think the Inbreds are going to sneak out of the Queen City with this one.

PICK – WEST BY GOD

Mississippi State (6-4) at Arkansas (6-4)

This would be the final nail in Houston Nutt’s coffin if the Hogs yakked this game at home. Kudos to Sylvester Croom’s crew for starting out the season with a Pop Warner-like effort in a shutout loss to LSU but turning it around to bowl eligibility. Unfortunately, he’ll have to wait until the Egg Bowl to get win 7.

PICK – WOO PIG SOOEY (Arkansas)

Harvard (9-0) at Yale (7-2)

Not only are these hated rivals squaring off for the 124^th time but this one has added significance – the loser has to give up their library. No, I’m kidding. The winner gets a box of beakers from the loser’s chemistry department. I jest again. Seriously, this is for the Ivy League title. Both teams are 6-0 in conference. Can you imagine how crazy it’ll be on the winner’s campus on Saturday night? They might stop studying for 5 minutes to acknowledge the victory!!

PICK – YALE

Penn State (8-3) at Michigan State (6-5)

Most people don’t know this but lost in the Old Oaken Bucket, Little Brown Jug, and Paul Bunyan Ax is the Land Grant Trophy, which PSU and MSU square off for every year. It’s so storied that I couldn’t find any history on the piece of metal. It’s called that because these were the first two land grant universities in America. So if you’ve never been to either place, I can tell you that there are a lot of farms. And if the wind is right, you can smell the one at Penn State from the bleachers. Maybe that’s the cows’ way of showing their disdain for the Nittany Lion offense.

PICK – PENN STATE (somewhat shaky)

NFL

F-ing Chargers (5-4) at Jags (6-3)

Had the Colts not played Dungyball on their last drive and Vinatieri not yakked the kick, they would have pulled off an amazing comeback against this worthless excuse of a team. SD, you’re still dead to me.

PICK – JAGS

Panthers (4-5) at Packers (8-1)

If not for the F-ing Chargers, I’d still be alive in the Eliminator after the hypothetical Seahawks pick last week. This week, the pick would have been the Packers and judging by my record with the Panthers this year, I probably would have gone out this week. By the way, the Bears are still the only team to beat GB this year and it was at Lambeau. If we don’t make the playoffs, at least the season was made with that.

PICK – PACKERS

Giants (6-3) at God Squad (6-3)

Nothing spoils Thanksgiving dinner more than…oh wait, I’m a week early with that line. I’ll save it for Week 13. God’s team rushed for negative yardage last week against the Cardinals. I’m thinking that probably doesn’t bode well when it comes time to play a very angry Giants team.

PICK – GIANTS

Saints (4-5) at Texans (4-5)

Since the Saints decided to play Santa to the Lambs last week, I wonder if they have any more gifts in the sack for Houston. Maybe a lump of coal, perhaps?

PICK – SAINTS

Brownies (5-4) at Crows (4-5)

This game doesn’t quite have the cache as it does when it’s in Cleveland. Somehow, the Brownies are favored in this one and if I know anything about the NFL this year, it’s beware of the home dog. Problem is, the Crows offense have played like a bunch of dogs for the last 4-5 games. I’m not sure they can outscore the Brownies but it’s tough to go against them at home.

PICK – CROWS

Bucs (5-4) at Falcons (3-6)

So we’re only four weeks away from Michael Vick’s next court date. I don’t know about you but I’m really looking forward to that MNF game in Atlanta on the same day where they talk all about that rather than the game. Though, if you’ve seen the Falcons this year, the court news might be more entertaining than the game. As for this one, I don’t think there are enough collars in the world to keep the fleas and ticks off this one.

PICK – BUCS

Cards (4-5) at Bungles (3-6)

The Bungles scored a nice round number of points last week – 21. To the uninformed observer, it looks like 3 touchdowns. But oh no, the Bungles offense is so bad, they got those points on 7 field goals. Add in the fact that they were playing the Crows and you had a game that was like watching grass grow.

PICK – BUNGLES

Raiders (2-7) at Vikings (3-6)

Daunte Culpepper gets the start in his return to the Metrodome. It’s too bad for the Vikings that Adrian Peterson got hurt. He could have easily set the rookie rushing record. That pretty much takes the luster off this game as both these teams need some help on the offensive end.

PICK – VIKINGS

Skins (5-4) at Cowgirls (8-1)

When Joe Gibbs decided to come back to the Skins I wonder if he envisioned it being a struggle for the last three years. I think he’d rather be in Homestead watching his race team circle the track in the last NASCAR race of the season. As it is, I think the Cowgirls offense will run plenty of hot laps around that Skins defense.

PICK – COWGIRLS

Bears (4-5) at Seahawks (5-4)

My ‘over 10 wins’ bet is still in play but Rex re-takes the reins at quarterback this week. If you saw what the Seahawks did to poor Alex Smith on Monday night, you can see why I’ll be tearing up that ticket on Sunday night. So Seattle, here’s your revenge for losing in overtime in the playoffs last year.

PICK – SEAHAWKS

Same old SORRY ASS Rams (1-8) at 49ers (2-7)

The Rams broke some hearts last week when they got their first win of the year and thus eliminating 300 people’s hopes of a quarter million bones. I’d be shocked if anyone dares watch this game on TV. Isn’t there yard work or a bathroom to paint or something?

PICK – SAME OLD SORRY ASS RAMS

Titans (6-3) at Mules (4-5)

The Mules have been so enigmatic this year. They really had no business beating the Chefs on the road last week. Vince Young has been doing a good job living up to the Madden Curse. He hasn’t gotten severely hurt yet but he’s been killing fantasy teams across the country.

PICK — MULES