LAST WEEK – 17-7 (9-3 college, 8-4 pro )

SEASON — 104-54 (61-25 college, 43-29 pro)

I‘ve mentioned numerous times already this season that the Carolina Panthers are the bane of my existence. They continued their hex on me last week with their win over the Cardinals. How did they do it? They started 483-year-old Vinny Testaverde at quarterback, that’s how. It just goes to show you that practice is overrated. Fortunately, the Panthers are on their bye this week so I’ll be saved the depressing task of trying to figure that one out.

In other news, my Penn State Nittany Lions played their most complete game of 2007 in dismantling Team Cheese, aka Wisconsin. If they play like that in 2 weeks against Ohio State, the Jacksonville cops better be on high alert for a manic, drunk PSU fan roaming the streets outside the Gator Bowl.

It’s week 8 and in honor of the number 8, which looks very similar to a set of chain links, I will include a link pertaining to each and every one of the games this week. Let’s just say I’m glad I looked up all the links at work earlier this evening because I’d probably still be typing this at 5am if I hadn’t.

COLLEGE

South Florida (6-0) at Rutgers (4-2)

How many of you rubbed your eyes and wondered if you were dreaming when the BCS spit out USF as the 2 team in the country on Sunday? I know that Jimmy Johnson was beside himself with incredulity on the FOX NFL Postgame show. But this team is for real and their defense will squash Rutgers RB Ray Rice’s Heisman hopes once and for all. In fact, they are going to act like this Pamplona bull.

PICK – SOUTH FLORIDA

Miami (4-3) at Florida State (4-2)

The ACC schedule makers finally moved this game back to its rightful spot in October and yet this game will resemble the last 3 games played on Labor Day weekend – it’ll hurt your eyes to watch. Both teams’ offenses make the Diamondbacks look like the ‘27 Yankees. And that’s not good for Florida State because if history is right, the Criminoles are due for another one of these. Wouldn’t it be fun to see the look on Old Man Bowden’s face if that happened again?

PICK – FLORIDA STATE

Tennessee (4-2) at Alabama (5-2)

It’s another edition of the game that always shows up on the third Saturday in October. Fat Phil went to the whole wheat selection at the Krispy Kreme two weeks ago and it showed in his team’s dominance of Georgia. Now he takes his flying éclair on the road to a town that has some great barbecue (so I’ve been told) and rabid fans that go around dressed like this. You’ve got to hand it to this guy. He has the supplies ready for his tailgate – if he makes it to the john in time, he’s in good shape. If he doesn’t make it in time, he’s still in good shape. Who said folks in Bama didn’t use their noggins??

PICK – TENNESSEE

NC State (1-5) at East Carolina (4-3)

Police on ECU’s campus are still trying to figure out whether or not a noose was hung in one of the campus dorms last month. But let’s think about this for a second. They’re Pirates. If anything, police should be looking for a plank, a pegleg, and a loudmouth parrot.

PICK – EAST CAROLINA

Kansas (6-0) at Colorado (4-3)

In 1944, a debate raged in the Kansas school system about the authenticity of the Jayhawk.It was ruled that it was indeed a mythical creature. In 2007, a debate is simmering about the authenticity of the Kansas football team. Will the state be able to handle the news if they too are rendered a fraud?

PICK – KANSAS

Michigan (5-2) at Illinois (5-2)

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The Zooker returned to prominence last week as Illinois finally looked in the mirror and realized that they were Illinois and promptly choked away a game against lifeless Iowa. It reminded me of Zook’s 2004 Florida team yakking a game against an equally lifeless Mississippi State team that cost Zook his job. The Illini faithful won’t lynch him yet because they haven’t seen this success in a while. Speaking of lack of success, Illinois hasn’t beaten Michigan since ‘99 but it would have been since 2000 if the Referines didn’t get extra help from the zebras.

PICK – MICHIGAN

Virginia (6-1) at Maryland (4-2)

CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION – When Virginia plays on the road, strange things happen. Their only loss came in the thin air at Wyoming in week one. Two weeks ago, they should have been picked off by Middle Tennessee. Now they have to figure out a way to escape Byrd Stadium much in the same way that they escaped UCONN at home last week. And no, this is not Twerps coach Ralph Friedgen in this pic. But it does bear a striking resemblance, doesn’t it?

PICK – M-A-R-Y-L-A-N-D, MARYLAND…F-OFF!!

Auburn (5-2) at LSU (6-1)

In 1988, a late touchdown by LSU to beat Auburn made the Earth shake. After the last two Tigers games, a last-second squeaker against Florida and an overtime loss to Kentucky, that gumbo and crawfish is not sitting right in Bayou Country. Fortunately, Auburn ain’t that good.

PICK – LSU

Arkansas (3-3) at Mississippi (2-5)

But Auburn isn’t nearly as bad as the Hogs, a team they beat 9-7 in the Sominex Game of the Week last Saturday in Fayetteville. This loss marked the 3^rd time this season that the Hogs have snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. Head Coach Houston Nutt has had more off-the-field problems than he could care to have, including people wanting to know who he’s calling on the phone. If you really want to know, I think his real estate agent is on speed dial.

PICK – ARKANSAS

Texas Tech (6-1) at Missouri (5-1)

I don’t care what the number is, take the over in this game. There will be lots of scoring which should make the Tigers official fan section, The Antlers, very happy. Wait, since when did Tigers start sprouting horns on their heads? I’m glad you asked.

PICK – MISSOURI

Florida (4-2) at Kentucky (6-1)

I apologize to Andre Woodson for questioning his ability against a ferocious defense. He silenced any critics with an awesome performance against LSU in their triple overtime upset win. At what point does Kentucky football become so important that this lovely lass makes an appearance at midfield during a timeout?

PICK – FLORIDA

Southern Miss (3-3) at Marshall (0-6)

Let’s see, USM has already given one team their first victory of the year when they went belly-up at home to Rice a few weeks back. Is there any chance that they could giftwrap a W for the folks in Huntington? I’ll bet Eagles fans wish this guy had another year of eligibility.

PICK – MARSHALL

NFL

Crows (4-2) at Bills (1-4)

I just looked at the AFC East standings and realized that the division is so bad, the Patriots could clinch the division in three weeks. That’s almost as shocking as the thoughts of what Buffalo Bill Cody might have been doing with his little Indian lady friend. back in the day. Yes, even in the 1800’s, the paparazzi was in full force.

PICK – BILLS

Cards (3-3) at Skins (3-2)

So Arizona became the latest victim in the ‘Datres-jinxed Carolina game’ last week. It didn’t help that Kurt Warner went down with an elbow injury. That forced the Cards to sign Tim Hasselbeck on Tuesday. He’s the younger brother of the Seahawks quarterback but he’s also the husband of that girl from The View. And that gives me a great excuse to show you this.

PICK – SKINS

49ers (2-3) at Giants (4-2)

This used to be THE game in the NFC every year. Montana, Simms, Rice, Little Joe Morris, Lott, LT, the list goes on and on. But the Giants were always the Niners’ kryptonite in Frisco’s dominance of the 80’s. Included in that is the day Matt Bahr became God on the heels of his kick to win the 1990 NFC Title game. I like this game so much that I’m almost staking my Eliminator pick on it. But I don’t think I can trust the Giants with a quarter million dollars.

PICK – GIANTS

Vikings (2-3) at Cowgirls (5-1)

But I can trust the Cowgirls with my money. Or so I hope. What did I tell you about the Vikings and their late-game escapes at Soldier Field? The Bears are still searching for Adrian Peterson…and no, I’m not talking about the one that is on their bench. As for the Girls, a Hall of Fame running back wearing their colors once hung a historic mark on the Norsemen. I don’t think Marion Barber will pull this trick but then, he won’t need to.

PICK – COWGIRLS

Titans (3-2) at Texans (3-3)

Once a year, Tennessee returns to their roots in Houston which gives me an excuse to share one of the absolute worst fight songs I’ve ever heard. And don’t think for a second that the Madden Curse isn’t real because Vince Young has not exactly lived up to his cover status this season…or maybe he has. That’s the fun of that Curse. Maybe a little home cookin’ will do him good.

PICK – TEXANS

Bucs (4-2) at Lions (3-2)

These two teams used to be in the same division. During the early 90’s, that meant we could watch Barry Sanders do this to the Bucs on a twice-yearly basis. The Bucs only wish they had a running back with an eighth of that talent. They just traded for Michael Bennett on Tuesday. If that fails, I hear James Wilder might be available.

PICK – BUCS

Chefs (3-3) at Raiders (2-3)

There isn’t too much to say about this game. But I will say that I had a difficult time paying attention to last week’s Bungles-Chefs game because CBS kept showing this on the sidelines.

PICK – RAIDERS

Jets (1-5) at Bungles (1-4)

The police blotter has been quiet of late in the Queen City. It makes you long for the days when Bungles players continually got in trouble. The good news on that front is that Chris Henry has 3 more games left in his suspension.

PICK – BUNGLES

Bears (2-4) at Eagles (2-3)

There are three games between these two teams that stick in my mind – the Eagles playoff win in 2003 when McNabb made the Bears defense look like they did last week against the Vikings, a 1987 regular season game in Philly because it was played with replacement players due to the strike and the Bears won, and then there was this beauty from the 1988 playoffs when the Bears beat the Eagles but not many people could really tell for sure.

PICK – EAGLES

Same Old SORRY ASS Rams (0-6) at Seahawks (3-3)

Rams PR staff is working diligently to get Tampax to sponsor the team’s ‘playing out the string’ promotion for the last 10 games of the year. But at least they can look back at this memory from last season and smile.

PICK – SEAHAWKS

Steelers (4-1) at Mules (2-3)

Had it not been for a pair of last-second/overtime field goals, the Mules would be winless as well. Fortunately for them, these guys are taking the heat off of them. Can baseball season last until Christmas?

PICK – STEELERS

Colts (5-0) at Jags (4-1)

Last week, I asked what else there was to do in Jacksonville besides Jags games. I took the liberty of doing some research and found that there’s a really cool museum called MOSH that is hosting a Chemistry Explorathon on Saturday. I don’t know about you, but I love me a little moshing, especially when I know that there might be some chemistry involved.

PICK — JAGS