DATRES AT THE DESK: The Rants
Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
DATRES AT THE DESK: The Rants
LAST WEEK – 12-12 (5-7 college, 7-5 pro )
SEASON — 128-78 (72-38 college, 56-40 pro)
OK, welcome to week 10. Damn, it’s November already!! In 4 quick weeks, this college season is going to be pretty much over. Didn’t it just start?? Anyway, I talked about the frauds of college football last week and amazingly, all 3 decided to win giving me a 1-2 record in the fraud games. So judging by my mediocre record the last two weeks, the only fraud around here is me.
We move on to week 10 and unfortunately, one of my favorite games to make fun of is not on the schedule – Oregon State at USC. It’s one of the only times of the year when I can tell people to watch how the Trojans pound the Beavers and not get in trouble for it. I’d like to thank ESPN Gameday researcher Chris Fallica for providing that little joke a number of years ago. It will have perpetual life. Another game not on the board is Notre Dame-Navy. The Middies haven’t beaten the Irish
As for the mailbag, I had one person send me an actual line. She said I mentioned to drop a line and that’s exactly what she did. So Nadyne from Ocala, Florida, your witty ‘line’ is our e-mail of the week! Prizes decided after the season.
COLLEGE
LSU (7-1) at Alabama (6-2)
Normally, this game would only be touted as a battle for the inside track in the SEC West for the conference championship game. Oh no, this one is much juicier. Bama’s Nick Saban faces off for the first time the school that he brought back to prominence. Tigers fans were pissed at him for leaving to go to the Dolphins in 2005 and then infuriated them more by taking the job at Alabama this year. I would expect LSU to bring some extra spice to make damn sure that they win this game because if they should lose, they may not be let back into Baton Rouge.
PICK – LSU
Wisconsin (7-2) at Ohio State (9-0)
After the Suckeyes dismantling of Penn State last week, I refuse to call them frauds anymore. But I’ll be rooting hard for Michigan in three weeks when those two square off. I am now going to wash my mouth out with battery acid.
PICK – OHIO STATE
Wake Forest (6-2) at Virginia (7-2)
Well, all those close games finally caught up with Virginia last week when they yakked away a road game to winless-in-conference NC State. That loss at least kept my Virginia Tech bet to win the ACC alive, though, I’d like to strangle the Chokies roster after they cost me in last week’s yak fest in Blacksburg. I guess choking runs in the family in Virginia.
PICK – VIRGINIA
Purdue (7-2) at Penn State (6-3)
This just in – the Suckeyes just scored again on PSU. The atmosphere was great in Happy Valley last Saturday night but unfortunately, the Lions didn’t attend their own party. Now Purdue brings there high-octane passing game into Beaver Stadium and they’re probably still pissed about getting shutout in their meeting with PSU last year. It won’t be a shutout but I’ve got a feeling PSU’s defense will be awfully angry in this one.
PICK – PENN STATE
Michigan (7-2) at Michigan State (5-4)
Puh-leeeeeeze. Do you really think the Referines are going to blow their undefeated record in conference against a team that you can set the calendar by when they go into their tailspin? It must be October 31st because Sparty is 1-4 in conference. Oops, make that 1-5.
PICK – MICHIGAN
Texas (7-2) at Oklahoma State (5-3)
I’M A MAN!! I’M 40!! Ya just can’t get enough of hearing Mike Gundy’s rant. It’ll last forever in the annals of college football. And he’ll go off on another rant if his Pokes lose their status as tied in the Big XII South with their friends, the Sooners. Psssst, I don’t want to break this to you but the Horns aren’t that good. Hell, if Jamaal Charles doesn’t run for over 200 yards in the fourth quarter alone last week, they lose to Nebraska.
PICK – OAK STATE
UCLA (5-3) at Arizona (3-6)
This is the battle of the coaches trying to save their job. Arizona’s Mike Stoops didn’t get the good coaching genes that his brother Bob received. Karl Dorrell saved himself last year with a win against USC. He has spent that insurance and then some with losses to Utah, Washington State (both road games), and Notre Shame. These guys just aren’t road warriors. But yet they still find some way to rise from the dead. I’ll give them one more chance…not that it’ll save Dorrell’s job at the end of the year.
PICK – UCLA
Maryland (4-4) at North Carolina (3-5)
This is the battle between two teams I wouldn’t get caught dead watching on a Saturday afternoon…unless there was a court, 2 baskets, and Roy Williams and Gary Williams on the sidelines.
PICK – CAROLINA
Missouri (7-1) at Colorado (5-4)
My friend (and Missouri alum) Alan was telling me today that Mizzou hasn’t won in Boulder since 1997, when he and a friend traveled to Boulder on a whim, dressed as Missouri fans for Halloween (very original), and got kicked out of a bar on the CU campus. It’s a bit far for him to do that now but I don’t think he’ll need to try to extend that karma.
PICK – MISSOURI
Arizona State (8-0) at Oregon (7-1)
Those of you who thought in September that this would be the game of the year in the Pac-10, raise your hand. I didn’t think so. If not for a fumble through the end zone in the last minute to now-exposed Cal, this would be a battle of undefeateds. It’s too bad that not many Oregon games show up on TV because you really need to watch their QB Dennis Dixon. He very well could win the Heisman and the Ducks could certainly find their way to the BCS title game in New Orleans. This just in – ESPN has picked this game up for a 6:30 start. I beg you to tune in.
PICK – AFLAC!! (Oregon)
Rutgers (5-3) at UCONN (7-1)
OK, how long is this UCONN charade going to last? I think they sold me last week when they took down South Florida. Rutgers looked like garbage against West Virginia at home last week in the wet conditions. Who would have thought that no one would pay much attention to basketball at this time of the year on the UCONN campus?
PICK – UCONN
South Carolina (6-3) at Arkansas (5-3)
If that large lineman for Tennessee hadn’t tracked down that late fumble on the Vols final drive last week, South Carolina would hold the inside track to the SEC title game out of the East. Instead, now they have to go to WOOOOOOOOOOO PIG SOOEY and not only deal with a bunch of screamin rednecks but also with a desperate team trying to hold on to faint bowl hopes.
PICK – SO-CAR
NFL
Bungles (2-5) at Bills (3-4)
The good news for the Bungles is that if any of them run afoul of the law, it’s only a short trip across the border to Canada in order to avoid the charges. I hear the Hamilton Tiger-Cats are a pretty competitive team in the CFL.
PICK – BILLS
49ers (2-5) at Falcons (1-6)
This puppy is woofin’ worse than that big German Shepherd in the alley. Anyone who decides to watch this game should be either spayed or neutered.
PICK – FALCONS
Mules (3-4) at God’s Team (5-2)
The Lions, aka God’s Team are now halfway home to QB/Bible thumper Jon Kitna’s stated boast of 10 wins. And with the way the Mules secondary allows deep passes, I’d think that Kitna should have some fun pitching it around the yard.
PICK – God
Packers (6-1) at Chefs (4-3)
Call this one Beer & Cheese vs. Barbecue. While I would side with barbecue in a pick-em, beer and cheese has one big thing going for them – Bret Favre. I think someone found the Fountain of Youth in the offseason.
PICK – PACK
Jags (5-2) at Saints (3-4)
It doesn’t bode well for the Eliminator when you really want to go against Quinn Gray on the road here but then he comes out and has a serviceable game against a tough Bucs defense on the road. Can he do it twice in a row. Can I risk a quarter million bones on a Saints team that just might now be finding their stride? I’ll tell you next week. I still don’t know yet!!
PICK – SAINTS
Skins (4-3) at Jets (1-7)
We’d like to welcome Kellen Clemens to the role as new starting QB for the Jets. There won’t be high expectations of him and that could bode well. The Skins are still smarting from the hammering they received from New England. This game just screams upset but I’m going to stick to chalk and probably pay for it.
PICK – SKINS
Panthers (4-3) at Titans (5-2)
I finally got a Panthers game correct!! OK, they were playing the Colts, it was a pretty obvious pick. This one isn’t as obvious, especially since Vince Young has been really bad this season and has helped kill my Amish Rakefighters team in the JFFL. I’m going out on a limb on this one. Cats play well on the road and their defense will likely give Vince fits. I will now cover my eyes.
PICK – PANTHERS
Cards (3-4) at Bucs (4-4)
Here’s another Eliminator candidate. Seemed like a good idea last week but then the Bucs laid numerous eggs in the red zone against the Jags and the Cards are coming off a bye week which means gunslinger Kurt Warner has had an extra week to rest that ailing left elbow. The Bucs can’t go into their bye week on a 3-game losing streak or else Chucky’s head might explode. But can I really rely on the Bucs to allow me to survive? I mean, they killed me the first year I did an Eliminator when they yakked away a Thursday night game to the Lions. Since then, I haven’t been this far into the season.
PICK – BUCS
Texans (3-5) at Raiders (2-5)
This game is at 4:15 Eastern. Why are you watching it?
PICK – RAIDERS
Patriots (8-0) at Colts (7-0)
When you can be watching Super Bowl 41 ½. I don’t think much needs to be said about this one but when it comes down to it, would you rather put your money on a guy who gets a girl pregnant and then breaks up with her or a guy who sits there and tries to give you pep talks like he’s some sort of guru. I’m going with the guy who scores a lot. Hey, 7 points is 7 points, right?
PICK – PATSIES
Cowgirls (6-1) at Eagles (3-4)
Tony Romo was just rewarded with a new 6-year contract. Now he can afford to take Carrie Underwood out to Cracker Barrel instead of settling for a McDonald’s Happy Meal. By the way, if anyone is looking for some extra batteries for the winter, head to the Linc in Philly because I’m sure the fans will have them ready to toss at Terrell Owens upon his return to the city of Brotherly Love.
PICK – COWGIRLS
Crows (4-3) at Steelers (5-2)
This might be an Eliminator pick but I’ve used the Steelers already. They often play well on Monday night BUT the Crows always seem to give the Black & Gold fits when they play them in the ‘Burgh. Nevertheless, Pittsburgh’s D should flatten Boller, McNair, Dilfer, Bert Jones, or anyone else who takes the helm for B-more.
PICK — STEELERS
**An all new 
