BANNED BY BLOGSTEIN! III
In my on going effort to make this world more Blogstein friendly, and by that I mean, much less annoying, I periodically and systematically ban certain behavior that gets on my nerves. In BANNED BY BLOGSTEIN back in May, I decreed the end of such annoyances as The Open Ended “or”. Then in July, BANNED BY BLOGSTEIN II tried to do away with such idiocy as the pretentious pronunciation of Moots-A-Rel Cheese.
As a result of my public service, the world has become 13.8% less annoying. Not bad, but we obviously have a long way to go, so let’s get started with BANNED BY BLOGSTEIN III:
BANNED! Performing Friends Unless you’re on Broadway or opening up for the Rolling Stones at The Garden don’t ask me to go see your shows. Forgive me if I don’t want to see you play “Aunt Esther” in your community theater group’s stage performance of Sanford and Son or watch you play drums in your KISS tribute band. You’re not my child, I don’t need to be at all your shows!
BANNED! “My eyes are up here” Please, spare me the disingenuous shock when I happen to be glancing at your breasts while having a conversation with you. Don’t act like you just didn’t spend an hour and a half in your bedroom trying on outfits to find one that your chest looks good in. If you don’t want anyone to look at your boobs, then don’t wear a baby-T with the word “SLUT” across your tits. And you know what? Sometimes we are talking to your pontoons because they’re a helluva lot more interesting than the rest of you!
BANNED! “What are you doing on Saturday Night?” If you want to invite me to do something please just ask me. Give me the option of making up an excuse. I hate when people put me on the spot by opening up with “What are you doing later?” Now what do I do? He could be offering me tickets to the game or asking me to help him move! From now on, for the sake of humanity, just come out and tell me what you’re about to offer. Don’t put me in the position where I might end up spending the night at your lame ballet recital!
That should hold the world over until I can ban some more that keeps the human race from being perfect.
December 1st, 2006 at 1:35 am
I totally agree with you on the boob thing. If you don’t like your boobs looked at, ladies then don’t put them on display for everyone.
December 1st, 2006 at 2:04 am
You damn well better be lookin at my pontoons if I go to the trouble of wearing a baby t-shirt with “Slut” printed on it. If you are not, chances are high you have no pulse. I will then have to do CPR and try to save you.
I could break a nail!
December 1st, 2006 at 2:37 am
Thank you! Someone has to step forward and stop the insanity…and you put your neck out there and did it!
December 1st, 2006 at 2:43 am
CK and Em: Thank you, brothas.
starrlight: I look forward to the mouth to mouth portion of your CPR attempt.
December 1st, 2006 at 2:11 pm
First, is there tongue in that mouth to mouth, because if there is, then I don’t want to see it.
Second, I love this post. You should get a button and expand the whole concept to include stuff we can link to. Think of it: Banned By Blogstein having the same connotation as The Kiss Of Death. It’s inspired!
December 1st, 2006 at 2:27 pm
Ma: Talk to me…tell me what you mean. I’m not all that savvy with this blogger speak.
December 1st, 2006 at 2:39 pm
How about “pick your brain”?
Ban that.
December 1st, 2006 at 2:41 pm
I’m not a big fan of that one either, R2K. Good call.
December 1st, 2006 at 3:44 pm
Ooh add “reverse engineer” to that list. Or any of that corporate speak. Bleh. Yuppies.
Side note…I am so loving the term “pontoons.”
December 1st, 2006 at 3:51 pm
Thats the beauty of instant messanger or texting…you can read their open ended question and strategically construct an answer w/o them hearing the hesitation in your voice or seeing the fear and disgust on your face. Face to face talk is overrated.
December 1st, 2006 at 4:02 pm
Yeah B-Dash but you still have the problem of how to answer. Do you say you’re free and risk being asked to do something crappy or say your busy and risk missing on on something cool? Face-to-face or texting–its still the same dilema.
And Starrlight: While you love the term “pontoons” I’ll go on actually loving pontoons.
December 1st, 2006 at 5:41 pm
I did a post on it. The button needs work, but it’ll have to do for a quickie image.
December 1st, 2006 at 6:35 pm
Can we ban leather jackets too? I don’t know why, I just don’t like them
December 1st, 2006 at 6:45 pm
So, Ma, now I should post the image so others who wish to ban things can use it? Is that the idea?
DMBMeg: I’m sorry but I don’t share your hatred of leather jackets. Anyway, what would The Fonz say?
December 1st, 2006 at 6:55 pm
World Pontoon Love Day!
That made me giggle
December 1st, 2006 at 7:05 pm
Baby doll, even when I’m covered up head to toe and look drab there’s eye-nipple contact. I have implemented the eye-crotch contact, works wonders!
Love the post and Ma Titwonky’s suggestion for a button.
Enjoy the weekend!
Tisha
December 1st, 2006 at 8:55 pm
Did i get censored? Or my post not get through???
I am a huge fan of tiny t-shirts that say “slut”…but hate when I get slapped for looking too closely.
If you do not want to be stared at in that way, then please do not put them in all their glory.
Well, you can and i will only peek and hope you do not catch me!
December 1st, 2006 at 8:56 pm
Tisha:
personally, I have never minded the return “eye-crotch” contact
December 1st, 2006 at 9:51 pm
I’m with Bond on this one too, Tisha. Look all you want, you’re not gonna find anything.
December 1st, 2006 at 10:45 pm
I have had a “Forbidden Words” list on my fridge that has grown from two to over eighty words in the last twelve years. It all started with the word “spackle.” I hate that g*ddamn word and I hate anybody who says it, does it, or suggests that I might be interested in helping them do it.
December 2nd, 2006 at 2:52 am
great bans blogstein. I totally agree with them. thanks for making the world a better place.
December 2nd, 2006 at 3:21 pm
NOW I never said you wouldn’t find anything! LOL
December 3rd, 2006 at 2:33 am
I put up a picture just to show off a blog t-shirt the other day and was totally surprised when a lot of folks thought my bosombas looked prominent. I’m quite flattered. And got a lot of hits.
So… its Saturday night. What are you doing?
Miss Cellania
December 3rd, 2006 at 6:59 am
You’re now “it”! You’ve been tagged!!
Instructions on my blog:-)
Cheers
Tisha
December 3rd, 2006 at 7:22 am
LOL doc! But you are NO example:-) Bond, I still have to discover what you’re all about
December 18th, 2006 at 12:32 am
Very clever! Love your schtick!
December 18th, 2006 at 12:49 am
Thanks, Gem, but schticks and stones may break my bones, blah blah blah and all the rest.
December 18th, 2006 at 12:59 am
I agree with the “What are you doing later” comment. Another thing that should be banned are obvious questions. I have a friend who calls me all of the time while I’m at work and says “What are you doing?” I always reply in a slightly sarcastic, slightly questioning way with “working?”
December 18th, 2006 at 1:04 am
Dude, Zorak, good one…I HATE when people start a phone conversation bay asking “What are you doing?”
“Talking to you, is what I’m doing.” If I was doing anything else I probably wouldn’t have picked up the phone!
Whoa! You just got my blood boiling…
December 18th, 2006 at 4:28 pm
Flying trhough for the CANIVAL DUDE…
December 18th, 2006 at 5:25 pm
Bond’s been drinking.