Try and try as hard as they might, the voices in John Mark Karr’s head could not convince Boulder, CO prosecutors that he had anything to do with the death of JonBenet Ramsey.

According to ABC NEWS and Associated Press, prosecutors abruptly dropped their case against Karr in the slaying of JonBenet Ramsey, saying DNA tests failed to put him at the scene despite his repeated insistence he killed the 6-year-old beauty queen.

Now, we’re back where we were ten years ago, wondering just who is JonBenet’s killer?!? We all have our theories, even the rich, famous and powerful think they know who JonBenet’s killer is:

• Mel Gibson believes the Jews are responsible.

• Bill Clinton says it all depends on what the definition of “is” is.

• George W. Bush blames North Korea and he’s ready to attack.

• John Kerry said it was John Mark Karr before he said it wasn’t John Mark Karr.

• According to Howard Stern, it was the FCC.

Don’t get off that rooftop just yet, Jerome, here comes Ernesto!

As the first anniversary of Hurricane Katrina nears, so does another potentially major hurricane. Tropical Storm Ernesto, strengthening in the Caribbean Sea, may become a powerful hurricane by the time it reaches the Gulf of Mexico next week, according to U.S. forecasters.

That’s right, folks, a Puerto Rican hurricane.

If you think back to 2005, a record setting year in number of named storms in the Atlantic, all but one of the major ones were white women: Emily, Katrina, Rita, and Wilma. The other was a goofy white dude named Dennis.

Now, in 2006, despite predictions otherwise, we have been spared a major storm–that is, up until now. While forecasters were focused on spotting white female hurricanes, Ernesto has snuck into the Atlantic. Nobody would have seen this coming.

As hurricanes and tropical storms become more creative and diverse in their plots to destroy the Southeastern quadrant of the United States, our forecasters must continue to stay one step ahead of them. The sad truth of the matter is, the storms have to be right once and we have to be right 100% of the time. You can’t like those odds.

Hurricane, Katrina, Current Affairs, racial profiling, Politics, Terrorism

As I returned home at 6:30 AM after a night of undisclosed activity, I came across this pile of debris in the middle of the sidewalk:

• McDonald’s wrappers
• key chain with what appeared to be house keys on it
• an opened condom wrapper

I paused and wondered, “What the hell could have happened here last night?!?”

mystery, McDonalds, condom, Sex

This just in to the Dr. Blogstein newsroom…The smartest man alive has revealed himself on a website called “The Bestest Blog of All-Time” early this morning.

“Alex” who is known for his own website named R2K unexpectedly demonstrated his extreme genius with statements such as “Dr. Blogstein, found in the funny blogs section, is likely almost too funny for the category” and “The blogosphere is full of strange and sarcastic pages but few are actually consistently funny and clever. “

These brilliant and incredibly accurate statements led The Bestest Blog of All-Time to proclaim yours truly The Bestest Blog of the Day! (Personally, I think I deserve a whole week, if not a month and a half.)

Dr. Blogstein wasn’t immediately available for comment–heck, who am I kidding–Dr. Blogstein thinks this in an awesome honor, he thanks Alex and The Bestest Blog of All-Time and acknowledges how obnoxious it is to be referring to himself in the third person. He just doesn’t give a crap, for today he is THE BESTEST!

blog, Internet, honor, funny, best

What you are about to witness is the start of something that will surely go down in the history books–this is a casting call for the first ever Blog Reality Show!

Whose Kid Is It Anyway?
One Woman, 10 Sperm Samples
Executive Producer: Dr. Blogstein

The premise of this Blog Reality Show is to have one woman, willing to get impregnated by a random sperm sample and ten possible dads, all donating their little “swimming soldiers” for this random selection.

In the pilot episode we’ll briefly meet the ten prospective dads and then our woman will spin the WHEEL-O-SPERM. She’ll then be inseminated by the sample labeled with the corresponding number as determined by the WHEEL-O-SPERM.

In each additional episode, we’ll see how our pregnant lady is progressing and get to know one of the possible dads in a more in depth feature. The season finale will include a description of the birth and we’ll then reveal the dad!

Here is what Dr. Blogstein Productions is looking for:

Role #1 - Woman
We need a woman, able to have babies and desperate enough to achieve fame that she’ll carry a child and leave the dad up to chance.

Roles #2-11 - Men
We need one male each from the following 10 categories:

1. Professional Athlete
2. Rocket Scientist
3. Homeless but handsome
4. Wealthy but ugly
5. Senior Citizen, preferably in his 80’s
6. Hairdresser or Aerobics instructor
7. Hollywood Celebrity (Tom Cruise may need the work)
8. Man doing life in prison for double homicide
9. Cowboy or Indian
10. Al Roker

If you or someone you know would like to volunteer for any of these roles, please email me at drblogstein@fastmail.us

Now, you may be wondering how I can propose such a preposterous idea (or even know the word “preposterous” and spell it correctly) especially after railing against selling a baby’s naming rights on eBay. Well, worry not as I have no expectation for this to actually work–heck, I can’t even get enough people to start a fantasy football league!

What I’m hoping is that one of the networks steals my idea and makes Whose Kid Is It Anyway? a midseason replacement. I can then file a lawsuit and actually put my attorney to use and come away with billions of dollars.

Yeah, I know, I’m brilliant. Worship freely.

Television, TV, Entertainment, reality TV, baby, Pregnancy, al roker

From time to time, when I sift through the variety of spam and junk email in my inbox, I come across a question from a Dr. Blogstein reader. These questions range from the curious to the downright bizarre. I’ve collected a few of my recent ones and today, I’ve decided to answer them right here, for you all to see:

MKNY83 asks: “Is Dr. Blogstein your real name?“

Yes, Dr. Blogstein is my real name. Is MKNY83 your real name?

Don Burkel asks: “Do you know the song they use during the opening credits of Entourage?“

While I’m not sure why you would think to ask me this question, I do happen to know the answer. The theme song for Entourage (which happens to be an excellent show) is “Superhero” by Jane’s Addiction.

Tammy Nguyen asks: “I think you’re very funny and very clever. Do you write your own stuff?“

No, Tammy, I have a staff of 35 researchers and 15 writers who work together to struggle to produce 2 or 3 posts a week.

evanfleischer1 asks: (and I swear I’m not making this up!) “What type of doctor are you, because it hurts when I pee.“

This sounds serious. We may have to amputate.

Ali Cohen asks: “Would you ever date a reader? Where do you live? I’m interested in meeting you.”

Hey, Ali. Send a picture, then I’ll let you know my policy on dating readers.

And that taps out my inbox.

Keep those emails coming and one day you may be lucky enough to be embarrassed on the World Wide Web.

email, questions, Answers, Entourage, TV, Television, Entertainment, Music, Jane’s Addiction

I know you all missed me while I was away on a whirlwind vacation, highlighted by a weekend in Las Vegas. And, since that was the highlight, I will focus my vacation recap on Sin City and spare you the details of the rest of my adventures. The following is what I learned during my weekend in Vega$:

• Dry heat or not, 114 degrees is F-ing hot. Also, falling asleep by the pool in 114 degree heat is not really a good idea.

• Either there was a tattoo convention in Vegas or 85% of the nation is tattooed.

• Either there was a hot convention in Vegas or 85 % of the nation are smoking hot girls in cocktail napkin sized skirts.

• Alcohol + Extreme Heat = Brilliant Thoughts That combination led to my discovery that if Ashton Kutcher and Courney Love began dating, the couple could be nicknamed “AshHole”

• I have no confidence in my knowledge of latest fashion trends. I rode down the elevator of my hotel with a large Mexican gentleman who appeared as though he may be in a gang. He was wearing long shorts with the name”G-Unit” embroidered down the leg. But also running down the leg was the clear “XL” size sticker. I was going to let him know but I stopped myself in fear that the sticker was left on intentionally.

• I may be racist. Young Arab men with ipods or cell phones scare me when they’re sitting next to me on a plane.

• I will never understand craps. But its still fun to play due to all the yelling and cheering.

• The age of consent in Nevada is 16, unless her father is a large, tattooed Mexican gang member.
  

Las Vegas, alcohol, sex, vacation

A couple (couple of what, I don’t know) from New Port Richey, Florida have decided to put naming rights for their yet to be born baby up on ebay. Here’s the link.

First of all, I’d like child services to find out who these parents-to-be are and intercept this baby. If they’re pimping the kid out before she is even born, imagine what its going to be like for this girl her entire life.

Second of all, I’d like you all to contribute so we can raise enough money to name the baby “Dr. Blogstein.” I think that would be a funny name for a girl (or for any newborn for that matter, just not any kid of mine–I’m not that cruel!)

But I think she kinda looks like a “Blogstein,” don’t you?

baby, Pregnancy, child, name, ebay