BANNED BY BLOGSTEIN!
As recipient of the prestigious Fox Award, I feel it necessary to cash in on some of my newly earned political capital. (NOTE: Yes, I am aware that voting is not over yet for the Fox Awards and that I’m currently a few votes behind, but I should win because I’m the best and if I don’t win its because the poll was culturally biased.)
The following is what I’d like to ban. . .
BANNED! The Open Ended “or” How often do you hear someone say something like: “Are you coming to dinner, orrrrrrrr. . .” or “Is that some kind of joke, orrrrrrrr…“? OR WHAT?!?Unless you are giving me another option, don’t use the word “or.” I don’t want to finish your thought or come up with a second choice for you. You started the sentence, you finish it!
BANNED! Purple and Green People Whenever someone is trying to prove that they are not racially biased, so often they go on that tired old rant: “I don’t care if he is black or white or yellow…” and then they inexplicably throw in extra colors like purple or green. At that point, you lose all credibility. There are no purple people or green people, but if there where, I’m willing to bet that you’d be treating them differently!
BANNED! Thanking God Until you’re ready to blame God for your failures, don’t give him credit for your successes.
BANNED! “The Local” Elevator Joke Ever been in an elevator that ends up stopping on almost every floor on the way up or down? If the answer is yes, then you’ve also heard “Well, I guess we’re on the local” comment which is comparing the number of stops on the elevator to the number of stops a local bus or train makes.
That joke must have been funny the first time it was told in 1853, the year when the elevator was invented! Yet, it never fails: If the elevator makes a bunch of stops, some yahoo will think he’s the first one to tell that joke. Well, your not, and I don’t want your weather report either! Its okay not to have a conversation in the elevator!
I’m sure I’ll have to update this list at some point but that’s a damn good start to making this world more Blogstein friendly!
Rules, Humor, Life, pet peeves, pet-peeves, race, god
May 21st, 2006 at 11:41 pm
mighty big talk for someone in second place right now
Better get your dirty campaign on…you have 24 hours to make the biggest upset victory in the history of the “Foxys”.
May 21st, 2006 at 11:47 pm
Hello,
I saw you in my stats today, can’t remember if I have thanked you for adding me to your list! So thanks!
And good luck on that award
May 22nd, 2006 at 1:36 am
He’s been begging so hard for votes in the BlogMad chatbox that he should win SOME kind of award, at any rate, lol.
May 22nd, 2006 at 2:07 pm
Miss congeniality =P
May 22nd, 2006 at 7:07 pm
You can all read past the first paragraph please…geez!
May 22nd, 2006 at 8:18 pm
You can add the “It must be free then” (when a product has no price or doesn’t scan) to the “local” joke category.
I get pretty close to choking someone when they crack that in a store – and I’m not even a storeperson that has to put up with it day in and out!!
May 22nd, 2006 at 8:39 pm
YES! Good one iiq. Do these people really think they’re the first one’s making these lame ass jokes?
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:13 pm
Unfortunatly I actually believe that they know that they’re not the first – but genuinely believe that the joke is that funny that it can stand to be repeated as many times as the situation.
Then again I do know some people who tell those jkes deliberatly just to p*ss people off…
May 23rd, 2006 at 4:20 am
o man….as a cashier I hear more “It must be frees” than anything. That and if a price sounds like a time they look at their watch and say no its 7 o clock duh huh huh.
I just look at em like idiots now after 3 months and they get embarassed and mutter “O I guess you heard that before…” I say yea this is the third time today with a bitchy straigh face. =P
p.s. Blogstein you have less than 40 minutes to win the awards =P You in second place ^_^
May 23rd, 2006 at 9:22 am
Non-smokers may not be aware of this one – when smokers gather outside a building, one remarks on how few they are compared to the clean-lunged inside, another will say – “we’re a dying breed”.
Not only is this joke old and overused, it is also depressing because it reminds you of the gradual rot within yourself, and the ultimate consequence of that.
It must be BANNED.
May 25th, 2006 at 12:46 am
Let me add another. The one about funeral directors/homes and how it’s a great business because people are dying to get in.